Friday, March 6, 2015

Jokes for Sunday 22nd February 2015

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Joke # 1

I'm not anti-social


Joke # 2

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite...


Joke # 3

How does Ruth like being pregnant?" Danny asked his friend Ryan. "Oh, she's not pregnant,"

Ryan replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Danny pressed.

Well, Ryan explained, When I come home from work, she's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet...


Joke # 4

Q: Why is b always cool?
A: Because it's between ac.


Joke # 5

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'


Joke # 6

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each.

Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel.

This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke.

One day as the man passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him,

Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents.

Received from You Make Me Laugh


Joke # 7

The Catholic priest in a small town had become very perturbed, and he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation.

Brothers, sisters, he said solemnly, "it has come to my attention that there are tales to the effect that immorality is rampant in our fair town. To be specific, it is being said that there is not one virgin left here. This vile lie must and shall be refuted. In order to do so, I ask every virgin in the congregation to rise."

Not a woman stirred.

The priest said, "I understand the modesty that would make a young lady hesitate to announce her condition publicly, but it is necessary to do so. Young women, I conjure those to rise who are truly virgins."

And still not a woman stirred.

Wrath now moved the priest. "Will you, for the fear of experiencing small shame, incur a great one? This is an order from the Almighty: Let all virgins stand!"

And as his thunderous tones died away, a young lady, far in the rear, with a baby in her arms, rose bashfully.

The preacher stared with astonishment at the baby, then said, "Young woman, I'm asking the virgins to stand."

And the young lady answered indignantly, "Well, father, do you expect this six-month-old girl to stand by herself...?"


Joke # 8

Q: Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?
A: Because he traveled a lot.


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