Monday, March 30, 2015

Jokes for Sunday 29th March 2015

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Joke # 1

Eleanor Roosevelt Quote


Joke # 2

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. (Theatre Rule)


Joke # 3

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 4th grade class.

After explaining the commandment to honor thy father and mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."


Joke # 4

Q: Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A: He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.


Joke # 5

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women.

The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together.

Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first.

You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"

The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."


Joke # 6

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mail and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager

How much is that new Barbie in the window?

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have:

'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95...
'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95...
'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95...
'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...
'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95...
and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00".

Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95? Dad asked surprised.

Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture.


Joke # 7

The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate.

The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck.

The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck.

So, the authorities release the drunkard as well.

Next is the engineer. He also decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine when suddenly the engineer shouts, "WAIT!!! I think the problem is right there where the cable is binding!!!"


Joke # 8

Q: What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A: They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.


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