Monday, March 30, 2015

Jokes for Thursday 26th March 2015

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Be Honest

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Being at home with love ones

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Best Friends

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Joke # 1

It's not that I'm old




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Joke # 2

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

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Joke # 3

Three older ladies were discussing the trials of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood." She raps her knuckles on the table, then she, says, "That must be the door, I'll get it."

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
A: Still no fucking eye deer.

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Joke # 5

A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods.

The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time ... more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back.

But the next time he came in, he was all smiles.

They're the best clubs I've ever had, he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones."

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Joke # 6

It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top.

How many times can you do this to us in a single game? he screamed. "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter."

The official just stared.

The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!"

The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback.

The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"

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Joke # 7

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' ... I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

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Joke # 8

Q: Why are women like condoms?
A: They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

George W. Bush Quotes

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/george-w-bush-quotes.html

How the average man spends his day

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/how-average-man-spends-his-day.html

Celebrities - Then and Now

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/celebrities-then-and-now.html

If you can't grill it - Can it

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/if-you-cant-grill-it-can-it.html

Future Trucks Today

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/future-trucks-today.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Smoke Inhalation

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Large Screen TV

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Horn Ass

http://bit.ly/bLMOiX

Cookie Blues

http://bit.ly/dAOb5k

Old Men in Competition

http://bit.ly/dmKDmU


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