Friday, March 6, 2015

Jokes for Thursday 5th March 2015

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Joke # 1

Speak the truth


Joke # 2

Why did God create economists? To make weathermen look good!


Joke # 3

The young woman approached the executive in front of his office and said, "Please sir, give to take a wayward girl off the street."

And how much do you suggest I give? he asked.

It depends, she smiled, "Entirely on how long you want to keep her off of it."


Joke # 4

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.


Joke # 5

A little boy walks up to the librarian to check out a book. Noticing that the title is A Comprehensive Guide for Mothers, the librarian asks, "Is this for your mom?"

No, it's for me.

Then why do you want this particular book?

Because I just started collecting moths last month!


Joke # 6

The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old lady's wrinkled hands.

Lady, he said, "I just don't understand. However did you manage to pick the winner?"

The old lady patted her white locks in place. She looked a little bewildered. "Really," she said, "I don't know myself. I just stick a pin in the paper and, well, there it is."

The bookie took a deep breath. "That's all very well, lady," he cried. "But how on earth did you manage to pick four winners yesterday afternoon?"

Oh, replied the old lady, "that was easy. I used a fork."


Joke # 7

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.

On the second day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.

On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

Okay, said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained.


Joke # 8

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.


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