Sunday, March 15, 2015

Jokes for Tuesday 10th March 2015

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Joke # 1

No matter how good she looks


Joke # 2

The new employee is so bright the boss calls him son.


Joke # 3

A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school. He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then shared with them this fun fact: "There are no swear words in the Cherokee language."

One boy raised his hand, "But what if you're hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?"

That, the man answered, "is when we use your language."


Joke # 4

Q: How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A: Fill it with gas.


Joke # 5

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

Take only ONE. God is watching.

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.


Joke # 6

Nine-year-old Jimmy had stopped by a pond near his house one afternoon, and was playing with a stick in the water when he heard a voice. "Over here," it said.

Jimmy looked over and saw a frog sitting on a lily pad by the edge of the pond. He picked it up. It said, "Kiss me and I will turn into a beautiful princess."

Jimmy put the frog in the large pocket on the right hand side of his overalls.

Hey! Hello? It said in his pocket. Jimmy took it out again. "I said I will turn into a beautiful princess. All you have to do is kiss me!"

Forget it, Jimmy said. "I'm only nine years old. I'm not into girls. But a talking frog is way cool!"


Joke # 7

Teacher, announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out."

What's that Joey? asked the Sunday school teacher.

Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?


An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?


An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?

Again you're right.

An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?

All that is right, too, agreed the teacher. "So what's your question?"

What I wanna know is this, demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin'?"


Joke # 8

Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.


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