Monday, March 30, 2015

Jokes for Tuesday 17th March 2015

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Joke # 1

Some of the best days of your life


Joke # 2

Black holes are where God divided by zero.


Joke # 3

The reason I like dating Lori, the office snob remarked primly, "is that she's on the up and up."

And the reason, I like dating Laura his coworker replied, "is that she's into the up and down, the in and out, the back and forth ... you name it!"


Joke # 4

Q: Why did the leper crash his car?
A: He left his foot on the accelerator.


Joke # 5

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."

Yes, the class said.

Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."


Joke # 6

The owner of a friendly clothing boutique was in court being tried for some crime that is irrelevant to this tale.

During the course of the trial it became increasingly evident that something underhanded was happening. Each day one or two members of the jury would show up in court a fashionable new shirt, blouse or other clothing accessory that looked suspiciously like it could be part of the defendant's product line.

The district attorney began to get a little suspicious and did a little investigating. He discovered that this was indeed a very blatant case of jury tampering and, in his clothing argument, called a mistrial.

Surprisingly the judge denied the motion, stating that there was actually no harm done.

His ruling: There was no serious "In jury, only a few minor casual tees.


Joke # 7

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.

A representative from Israel began: "Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses:"

When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath! Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.

A Palestinian had stolen them!"

Immediately, the Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up and furiously shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't even there then."

The Israeli representative smiled and said, "And now that you have made that clear, I will begin my speech."


Joke # 8

Q: What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
A: Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!


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