Friday, March 6, 2015

Jokes for Tuesday 24th February 2015

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There are two types of people in the world

Secret Bunker

Asking kids what they want to be when they grow up

Burn a few bridges

Everything happens for a reason

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Joke # 1

I give you permission


Joke # 2

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray...


Joke # 3

Murray had a new flame, and before long they had a difference of opinion. "I don't like the way you're carrying on with other guys," he ranted, "That must stop!" "Calm down, Murray," she replied,

There's no reason for you to flip. Listen, don't I always let you take me to shows? "Yeah." "And to dinner?" "That's right." "And don't I let you buy me flowers and clothes, and other gifts?"

Yeah. "So what are you getting excited about," she assured him, "I only use the other guys for love-making."


Joke # 4

Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.


Joke # 5

KID: Why some of your hairs are white, Dad?

DAD: Every time you make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white ...

KID: Now I understand why Grandpa's all hairs are white ...

Moral: Don't be over smart with today's kids!


Joke # 6

At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the water's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up!"

Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return.

Boat number 99, he again hollered, "please return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime!"

Still no answer from Boat 99.

Boss, his assistant said, "I don't think we have a Boat 99."

The manager walked back to the boathouse, looked at his list, came back to the water's edge, raised his megaphone and called out, "Boat number 66, come in, please!"


Joke # 7

Two southern gentlemen are out hunting, and as they are walking along, they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."

The second hunter says, "I don't know. Let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "There's an old automobile transmission here. Give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."

So they pick it up and carry it over; count one, two, and three; and throw it in the hole.

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge when they hear a rustling in the brush behind them.

As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole, and with no hesitation, jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

Say there, says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

The old farmer said, "That's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission!"


Joke # 8

Q: What Bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, son of Nun.


SydesJokes Blog Posts

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Golf Balls

Screw Anybody

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SydesJokes Video Clips

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