Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Jokes for Tuesday 31st March 2015

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Joke # 1

The greatest gift you can give someone


Joke # 2

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. (Murphy's Law of Lockers)


Joke # 3

A man commissioned Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the nonrepresentational image on the canvas, the woman's husband complained, "It isn't how she really looks."

When asked by the painter how she really looked, the man produced a photograph from his wallet.

Returning the photography Pablo observed, "Small, isn't she?"


Joke # 4

Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.


Joke # 5

First guy: "I'm really in the doghouse. I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask."

Second guy: "What kind of question?"

First guy: "She asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat, and ugly."

Second guy: "That's easy. You just say, 'Of course I will.'"

First guy: "Yeah, that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.'"


Joke # 6

A college business professor noticed that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended, he went around the room asking students questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.

And who was it that developed the theories behind communism? the professor asked.

I don't know, the student said.

Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Roberts, you would know, said the professor.

That's not true, the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"


Joke # 7

The Pope lands at an airport just in time to get to an important meeting. His limo driver speedily takes off, but the Pope needs him to go faster in order to get to his meeting on time. The Pope asks the driver to switch places so the Pope can drive.

They speedily take off again, but unfortunately, the speeding car is stopped by a cop. The police officer takes one look at the situation and radios in to police headquarters. He tells the chief that he's got a pretty important person on his hands.

The police chief asked, "Is he more important than the mayor?"

The cop said, "Yes."

Then the chief asked, "Is he more important than the governor?"

The cop said, "Yes."

Then the chief asked, "Is he more important than the President?"

The cop said, "Yes."

Finally, the chief asked, "How important can he be?"

The cop said, "I don't know, but he's got the Pope for a driver."


Joke # 8

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.

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