Sunday, March 15, 2015

Jokes for Wednesday 11th March 2015

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F. Scott Fitzgerald #Quote

Life is too short

Morning wood


The First

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Joke # 1

Nose Ring


Joke # 2

I know I'm really good in bed because women always ask me if there's any possible way I could make it last longer.


Joke # 3

Little Johnny and his friend Sammy watched as portly Mrs. Overton stepped on the scale and plugged a coin in the slot. The scale stopped at thirty-eight pounds!

Unaware that it was broken, Little Johnny blurted out, "Oh my God, she's hollow!"


Joke # 4

Q: Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A: Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.


Joke # 5

When a customer slid into the barber chair, the barber asked him how he wanted his hair cut.

Make it short, the customer replied, "with a bare patch above my left ear, but longer on the right side so that it covers my right ear. I also want my left sideburn above my left ear and the right sideburn below my right ear."

The barber looked puzzled and said, "I don't think I can do that."

The customer replied, "I don't know why not--that's the way you cut it the last time I was here!"


Joke # 6

Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in a while, so they decided to meet for lunch.

The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found.

He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!

He said 'will you marry me'? Marcy asked.

Heather replied, "No, he said 'put your money away'."


Joke # 7

A couple had two little boys who were always getting into trouble. Their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their village, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that an elder in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her sons. The elder agreed, but asked to see them separately.

So, the mother sent her youngest son first, in the morning. The elder, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response. So the elder repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the wide-eyed boy made no attempt to answer.

The elder raised his voice and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into a closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him hiding, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!"


Joke # 8

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.


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