Friday, March 6, 2015

Jokes for Wednesday 25th February 2015

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Joke # 1

My favorite outdoor activity


Joke # 2

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck...


Joke # 3

One Greek says to another, "Do you think you'll ever go back to Greece?"

No, he answered, "I'll stick with K-Y Jelly!"


Joke # 4

Q: When do you go on red and stop on green?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon.


Joke # 5

A group of kindergarten children were on a class outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

Yes, answered the policeman.

Well, wondered the child, "why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"


Joke # 6

The girl came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.

I did? What did I tell you? said the dad.

You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.

What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world, he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."

I don't think so, she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."


Joke # 7

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at Baylor University. Like many such freshmen courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided.

The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

One-half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

You're not going to have time to finish this, the professor said as he handed the student a booklet.

Yes, I will, replied the student.

He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in.

All except the last student, who continued writing. One-half hour later, the student came up to the professor, who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

No, you don't. I'm not going to accept that. It's late.

The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"

No, as a matter of fact I don't, replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? the student asked again.

No, and I don't care, replied the professor with an air of superiority.

Good, replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.


Joke # 8

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.


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