Saturday, May 16, 2015

Jokes for Saturday 16th May 2015

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Joke # 1

A Relationship Without Trust Is Like A Bike Without Gas


Joke # 2

Even at a Mensa convention, someone is the dumbest person in the room.


Joke # 3

Johnny was trying to have sex with Susie against her objection of it being evil."

Johnny cajoled her, "Evil, yes it is evil and sin, but Susie, sin is forgiven, so let us begin to be forgiven by God."


Joke # 4

Q: What's slimy cold long and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the frogs finger


Joke # 5

Stopping at a restaurant advertising a "Unique Breakfast," a man asked the waitress what this was, and was told, "Baked chicken tongue."

That's disgusting! the man said. "I'd never eat something that came out of a chicken's mouth."

What would you like then? the waitress asked.

Oh, just bring me some scrambled eggs, the man replied.


Joke # 6

Philip was pissed, to say the least, when Tina told him another car had backed into hers, damaging the fender. He was mad that she didn't get the license plate.

Well, Tina, DARLING, he hissed, "what KIND of car was it that hit you?"

Philip, I don't know, she cried, "I've never been able to tell one make from another."

Well, Philip decided right then and there he was going to teach his bride how to tell the difference between makes and models of cars. For the next two weeks, as they were out driving, Philip would point out a car and have Tina identify it. After one last day of driving, Tina got 'em all correct and he thought she'd, from now on, be able to identify a car.

A week later, Tina came bursting into Philips office, beaming from ear to ear. "Philip, I just hit a Dodge!"


Joke # 7

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.

One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."

No way, replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."

God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"

Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"


Joke # 8

Q: What's a porn star's favorite drink?
A: 7 Up in cider.


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