Sunday, May 17, 2015

Jokes for Sunday 17th May 2015

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Joke # 1

Charles Bukoski Quote


Joke # 2

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.


Joke # 3

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

The curlers are on me.


Joke # 4

Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde?
A: You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!


Joke # 5

Farmer Don was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being God's creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted.

Don was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower beds, and he had tried everything. Two weeks later, on a visit I noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were beginning to bloom.

So I asked him how he managed to keep the birds away. "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?"

One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, Farmer Don told me, "and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I wasn't bothered after that."


Joke # 6

Jewish Weddings

* At an Orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.

* At a Conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant.

* At a Reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant.

* At a Reconstructionist wedding, the rabbi and her wife are both pregnant.


Joke # 7

It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!"

The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"

Hoya! Hoya! cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!

The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting, "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.

Sure, the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."


Joke # 8

Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because their plugged into a genius!


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