British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 20 Mar 2018

 

Joke 1

Helen Keller

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://bit.ly/2CHmGww


Joke 2

No one is free who is not master of himself. - Epictetus


Joke 3

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms.


Joke 4

Q: Why do men like masturbation?
A: It's sex with someone they love.


Joke 5

A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled... "Got Milk".

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled.... "Forgot milk".

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache on it. It is entitled ...."Not Milk...."


Joke 6

A three-year-old was helping wrap a present for her father. While they were wrapping, her mother kept reminding her daughter about keeping the present a secret so it would be a surprise. After the present was wrapped, she proudly put it under the tree.

When her father came home he saw the present immediately. He asked the little girl, "What is it?"

"I can't tell." she said proudly, with a look towards mom. "It's a surprise."

"Can I shake it and guess what's inside?" asked Dad.

"No," she replied, "shirts don't rattle."


Joke 7

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go was to say, "Hallelujah!"

The only way to make the donkey stop was to say, "Amen!"

The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions.

"Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately.

"This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah" he rode off, very proud of his new purchase.

The man traveled for a long time through the mountains. As he headed towards a cliff, he tried to remember the word to make the donkey stop.

"Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going.

"Oh, no..."

"Bible...Church!...Please! Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff.

Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer: "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain. In Jesus' name, AMEN."

The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.

"HALLELUJAH!" shouted the man.


Joke 8

Q: What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?
A: Dead.


Keep love in your heart

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://bit.ly/2CFgG78


 

 

 

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