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Thursday, March 22, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 22 Mar 2018


Joke 1

All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent. - Edmund Burke

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Joke 2

Life is a near-death experience. - George Carlin

Joke 3

Doctor, you've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands from shaking!"

"Do you drink a lot of coffee?"

"Not really - I spill most of it!"

Joke 4

Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn’t take a bath?
A: Stinker Bell.

Joke 5

Bob and Barbara are waiting on line at the Post Office, to purchase some stamps.

"I heard they are making lickable stamps in a variety of tasty flavors to save the public the awful experience of running their tongues over something so unsavory" said Barbara.

"Really?" said Bob.

"You bet," Barbara, said, "There is strawberry, cherry, grape...which one are you going to get?"

Bob replied, "Me??? Oh, I'm not into fruit flavors. I'm ordering a brand new flavor they've just introduced. It's called 'vagina'."

Joke 6

To get acquainted with his new parish, the new Priest decided to call on a new parishioner every day until he got to know most of them. One day he selected a young widow, whose husband, according to the ndex card supplied him by the parish office, had died two years ago. After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms. He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Smith."

"You've found her Father," smiled the lady.

"Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms.

"That's correct Father," she replied. "He surely did. But I didn't."

Joke 7

A man is riding his camel in the desert when suddenly it comes to a dead stop. He gets off and pulls the camel by the lead. It walks just fine but as soon as he gets back on, it won't budge. Luckily there is an oasis a short distance away, so he walks there, and finds the nearest camel service station.

The attendant says, "Bring the camel up onto the platform."

He leads it there. The attendant pushes a button, which raises the camel up. He takes a look from underneath and says, "I think I see the problem."

He pushes another button. Out of the ceiling comes a large, flat metal device, which slowly draws back, and then violently whacks the camel on the rump.

The camel lets out a roar, goes running out of the shop and disappears into the desert.

The man is furious. He screams, "What the hell did you just do? My camel's gone now! How am I ever going to catch up with him?!"

Nonchalantly, the attendant says, "Step up onto the platform."

Joke 8

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because he saw the salad dressing!

In the midst of chaos

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