Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us

• Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."

• You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks.

• Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy"display.

• You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.

• Cross dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" edition.

• The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.

• Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.

• Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.

• Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe.

• Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jackknifed a Big Wheel.

• Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe in a leather bar.

• Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid -- I'm on break."