Daily @SydesJokes Digest for 19 Apr 2017

 

I did this SydesJokes Daily Digest for many years as a daily e.mail but stopped. I have decided to do them again but this time as blog posts

 

---

# 1

I mean what I say and say what I mean. - Theresa May

---

# 2

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

---

# 3

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."

Yep, he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.’ "

---

# 4

Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarterback.

---

# 5

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7. Did you copy the report from Eastern?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff ... and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

---

# 6

A guy decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

Murphy, he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

Ten said Murphy.

So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over.

Murphy, he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 left over!"

Dat's funny, said Murphy. "So did I."

---

# 7

A husband went to the police station to file a missing persons report.

Husband: "I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet."

Officer: "What is her height?"

Husband: "Average, I guess."

Officer: "Slim or healthy?"

Husband: "Not slim, but probably healthy."

Officer: "Color of hair?"

Husband: "Changes according to season."

Officer: "What was she wearing?"

Husband: "Not sure, either a dress or a suit."

Officer: "Was she driving?"

Husband: "Yes."

Officer: "Color of the car?"

Husband: "Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door..."

---

# 8

Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.

---

Brexit: A Titanic Disaster

---

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share,
consider making a contribution no matter
how small via PayPal. If you use Bitcoin you can
send donations to my Bitcoin Wallet:
12pAsyMdZoTHPvkiRAZiuQhC8bF4DLbYpQ