Joke 1
Be Happy
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/84
Joke 2
He doesn't worry about talking in his sleep. His wife and mistress have the same name.
Joke 3
Little Lucy loved sucking her thumb so much. She was now five years old but hadn´t stopped the bad habit. With an effort to stop her from this bad practice, Lucy´s mother lied to her that her stomach will swell and will finally burst if she doesn´t stop the habit. The lie scared little Lucy that she actually stopped the habit immediately.
A month later, expectant Mrs. Blecker pays them a visit. When Lucy comes in to greet her she stops first to stare at Mrs. Blecker, then goes ahead with her greeting. Mrs. Blecker notices the hesitation and asks, "Hi, Lucy! I guess you are wondering where I´ve been, aren´t you?"
The little girl answers, "Not exactly, Mrs. Blecker, I know what you´ve been doing and you better stop it fast."
Joke 4
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Joke 5
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents, she said.
What do you mean? he asked.
Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'
Joke 6
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that darned cat on the phone. I'm lost and need directions!"
Joke 7
A man was walking in the country when he saw a pig with a wooden leg sitting outside a barn. As he was wondering what happened to the pig, the pig's owner came along. The man asked the farmer how the pig came to have a wooden leg.
The farmer said, "Let me tell you, that is some pig! Our house caught fire last April and he dragged my kids to safety!"
Is that how he lost his leg? the man asked.
No, replied the farmer. "But a month ago, I almost drowned and that pig swam through icy water to pull me to shore!"
So that's how he lost his leg, the man asked.
Oh, no. Just a week ago, my wife's car slid off the road onto the train tracks. That pig broke through the window and helped her out just as a freight train came through! the farmer said.
So THAT'S how he lost his leg! the man said.
No, sir, replied the farmer.
Then HOW did he lose it? the man begged.
Well, sir, the farmer replied, "when you got a pig that terrific, you don't want to eat it all at once!"
Joke 8
Q: What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?
A: Sherlock Bones.
Letting toxic people go
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/77
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