Joke 1
Religion is like a penis
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/194
Joke 2
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Joke 3
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool"
Joke 4
Q: Where do cars go for a swim?
A: At the carpool!
Joke 5
A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar and the best man notices the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face. The best man says, "Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up - you look so excited!"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
Now the bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the biggest, brightest smile on her face. The maid of honour notices this and says, "Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up - you look so excited!"
The bride replies "I have just given the last blow job of my entire life."
Joke 6
Three guys are walking down the beach when they see this beautiful woman laying naked on the beach.
Well, the first guy goes over to her and starts making love to her, when she says, "What will we name the child?"
The guy freaks and runs away. So the second guy goes over to her and starts "doing his thing" when she says, "What will we name the child?"
He freaks out also and runs away.
The third guy has been watching all this. So he puts on a condom and goes to do his thing. When she says 'what will we name the child?' He ignores her and keeps on going. She keeps asking but he keeps going.
Finally he finishes and pulls off the condom, ties a knot in the end of the rubber and throws it in the ocean. He turns to the girl and says, "If he gets out of that, we'll call him Houdini."
Joke 7
There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
You bloody fool! he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"
Joke 8
Q: Where do you go to find a million story building?
A: You go to the Library!
Keep Calm and Purge Toxic People
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/208
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