Joke 1
Try our best
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/777
Joke 2
A mind is a terrible thing not to mess with.
Joke 3
Mary: I went shopping for bras this weekend. How depressing! I wanted one with good support.
Jill: Have you tried under wire?
Mary: Yes! Unfortunately, I have graduated to steel girders!
Joke 4
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Joke 5
A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore."
"What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks.
"It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!"
"You mean hystErical," his friend said, chuckling.
"No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she interrupts with: "But, before we got married, you told me you loved me..."
Joke 6
One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!"
"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.
"Good, Jane." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?".
"How about a lollipop!" said Steven.
"Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".
The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"
"Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."
Joke 7
A business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for some- thing special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said, 'Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied except---' and he stopped.
'Except what?' the man asked. ?
'Nothing, nothing.'
'C'mon, tell me! I need something!'
'Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis.'
'So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?' he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary- looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said 'Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!'
The old man replied, 'But you haven't seen what it'll do yet.'
He pointed to a door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, the door.'
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box,darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said 'Voodoo Penis, return to box!'
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.
'I'll take it!' said the businessman.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say 'Voodoo Penis, my vagina .'
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis....
She undressed, opened the box and said, 'Voodoo Penis my vagina !'
The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, 'I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my vagina and it won't stop screwing me!'
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied,
'Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass.'
Joke 8
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
It's ok to cut off toxic people from your life
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/778
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