Joke 1
Dream Big
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/784
Joke 2
Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
Joke 3
A couple are reading the paper. The wife says to her husband, "This article on overpopulation of the world says that somewhere in the world there is a woman having a baby every four seconds!"
Her husband, not to appear uninterested, said; "I think they ought to find that woman and operate on her."
Joke 4
Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
Joke 5
Fred's convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road. "I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date, "you're going to pull the old 'out of gas' routine."
"No," said Fred, "I'm going to pull the 'here after' routine."
"The 'here after' routine? What's that?", she wanted to know.
"If you're not here after what I'm here after, you'll be here after I'm gone!"
Joke 6
The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.
"Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You should always wear something."
"Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?" "Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?"
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."
Joke 7
A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?'
The bride to be said, 'A long, frilly, white dress with a veil.'
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time, for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean. Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice.'
'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. 'Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.
'You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.
'My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'
'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.
'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'
Joke 8
Q: Did you hear about the diner that promotes safe sex?
A: They write the bill on a condom. In that way you can wine and dine your date, and stick her with the bill.
To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid
Original post: http://bit.ly/2DpQWgk
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