Joke 1
Do Epic Shit
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/87
Joke 2
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Joke 3
A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted.
When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried, "Daddy, where's Mommy?"
Joke 4
Q: How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
A: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing.
Joke 5
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.
Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!"
Really? he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.
A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"
The clerk replies, "Canned or frozen?"
Joke 6
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
Why, my outfit was so well drilled, declared one, "that when they presented arms, all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
Very good, conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."
What was the jingle? asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."
Joke 7
A couple had two little boys who were always getting into trouble. Their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their village, their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that an elder in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her sons. The elder agreed, but asked to see them separately.
So, the mother sent her youngest son first, in the morning. The elder, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response. So the elder repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the wide-eyed boy made no attempt to answer.
The elder raised his voice and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into a closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him hiding, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!"
Joke 8
Q: What do you get when you mix Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?
A: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Engineer's try to make things idiot proof
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/96
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