Joke 1
Different doesn't mean wrong
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/89
Joke 2
Speedy Gonzales to his wife, on their honeymoon: "This won't hurt, did it?"
Joke 3
Three absent-minded professors were talking together in a bus terminal. They got so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't notice the bus had pulled in. As the driver sang out, "All aboard," they looked up startled and dashed from the platform. Two of them managed to hop on the bus, but the third didn't make it.
As he stood sadly watching the bus disappear into the distance, a stranger tried to cheer him up, saying, "You shouldn't feel too bad. Two out of three made it, and that's a pretty good average."
The professor shook his head. "You don't understand. THEY came to see ME off."
Joke 4
Q: What did the number 0 say to number 8?
A: Nice belt!
Joke 5
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.
Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my husband one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!
Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask?
Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions . . . like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"
Joke 6
Charles was taking his out-of-town buddy Clyde on a walking tour of the city. Clyde saw a good-looking girl and asked Charles if he knew her.
Yes, that's Jacqueline -- one hundred and twenty dollars.
A little further along, Clyde spotted an even more stunning girl and asked if Charles happened to know her also.
Yes, that Rosalynn -- one hundred and eighty dollars.
After the process was repeated twice more, Clyde remarked, "Good Heavens! Aren't there any respectable women in this city?"
Of course! replied Charles, highly offended. "But you couldn't afford them either."
Joke 7
One day, two guys were walking in the woods, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed them, started growling and generally getting really mean.
The bear started to chase one of the guys, who, as it turns out, was born in Czechoslovakia. The bear soon caught up with him, and ate him alive.
The other guy turned around and ran for his life. A little while later, the second guy found a park ranger station and told his story.
The ranger took his gun, and they both went out in search of the bear, in order to kill it. Soon, they came across two bears, one male, and one female.
The ranger turned to the other guy and said, "Quick, tell me which bear ate your friend!" The ranger leveled his gun and got ready to shoot.
"I’m not really sure," said the other guy, "they both look similar."
"Quick! Make up your mind!" said the ranger.
"Okay," said the other, "it was the male."
The ranger promptly aimed and shot the female bear. The male ran off.
Using his knife, the ranger cut open the belly of the female bear and found the body of the other man.
"But why didn’t you shoot the male when I thought it was the male who ate my friend?" the other man asked.
"Well," said the ranger, "I never trust anyone who says that ‘The Czech’s in the male!'"
Joke 8
Q: What has four legs but never stands?
A: A Chair!
I think I'm allergic to mornings
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/90
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