Friday, July 31, 2015

Dr. Seuss #Quote

Dr. Seuss #Quote

Live your life

Live your life

Jokes for Friday 31st July 2015

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Joke # 1

Elbert Hubbard Quote


Joke # 2

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. Albert Einstein


Joke # 3

During a sermon one Sunday, the pastor heard two teenage girls in the back giggling people and disturbing people.

He interrupted his sermon and announced sternly, 'There are two of you here who have not heard a word I said." That quieted them down.

When the service was over, he went to greet people at the front door. Three different adults apologized.


Joke # 4

Q: When are kids most likely to go to school?
A: When the door is open.


Joke # 5

Miss Emily was everybody's favorite spinster. Every year, for her birthday, she received dozens of little gifts from friends and family.

Year after year the knickknacks were added to, and soon filled every corner of the house.

On her hundredth birthday, her niece asked what she wanted this year.

Miss Emily said, "I'll take a kiss. Anything I don't have to dust!"


Joke # 6

Frank works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Frank! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

Oh no, says Frank. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Frank if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Frank, starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Frankie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Frank's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Frank follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Frank tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4-letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Frank, you picked up a real bitch this time."


Joke # 7

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."

The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."

The next day there was a hailstorm.

This Indian is incredible, said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him.

I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow, said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."


Joke # 8

Q: What letter can you drink?
A: T (tea)


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