Sunday, August 31, 2014

Coffee Lover

Colin Sydes Ice Bucket Challenge - 30th Aug 2014

Jokes for Sunday 31st August 2014

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Plexus Slim

Consider the following:

-> 95% of all diets and weight loss programs fail.
-> 8 out of 10 Americans over the age of 25 are overweight.
-> 174 million Americans are overweight or obese.
-> The worldwide number is expected to double by 2030.
-> 25.8 million children and adults in the United States (8.3% of the population) have diabetes.

Source: Centers for Disease Control.

Check how Plexus products can help you lose weight -->


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Joke # 1

Walt Disney Quote


Joke # 2

All the politicians who were running for president promised change to the Jack American people. We send them billions and billions of tax dollars and they send us the change.


Joke # 3

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."

The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."


Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no eye deer.


Joke # 5

Tammy was waiting with the cart, browsing in the small appliances aisle, while Doug gathered a few last minute items. When Doug returned, Tammy was facing the opposite direction, so Doug silently approached and gave her a playful pat on the fanny.

Without turning around she said, "That had better be my husband. But if it's not, I shop here every Tuesday."


Joke # 6

A student kept bugging his friend, "What time is it?"

Finally, his friend complained, "Why don't you get a watch like the rest of us."

"Why do I need a watch? There is always someone around to ask."

"But what can you do in the middle of the night, when you are alone and need to know what time it is?

"That's easy - I blow my shofar." (A Shofar is a Ram's horn, which is blown on Rosh Hashana and at the end of Yom Kippur - and sounds like a wailing voice)

"You what?"

"I blow my shofar. Whenever I wake up and need to know what time it is, I open the window and blow my shofar very loudly.. And literally within a few seconds, I hear someone yell ' Are you crazy? It's 2:45 in the morning!"


Joke # 7

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big.She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull."


Joke # 8

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven eight nine.


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