Friday, December 19, 2014

Jokes for Sunday 14th December 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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These people have got their shit together

http://on.fb.me/12HYtmx

To all you high school graduates out there

http://on.fb.me/12HYtmA

Two things define you

http://on.fb.me/12HYqXX

Asked 100 Women

http://on.fb.me/12HYtmK

A few clowns

http://on.fb.me/12HYreu

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Joke # 1

Making mistakes




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Joke # 2

When someone asks you "Where is your Christmas Spirit?" point out your liquor cabinet :)

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Joke # 3

A Muslim kid can't find his mother in the supermarket. The store manager says 'What does your mother look like?'

The kid says, "How the hell should I know?"

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Joke # 4

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

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Joke # 5

Three-year-old Zoe watched her father Phil working in the garden. "What are you doing, Daddy?" she asked.

He replied, "I'm making a flower bed."

Soon Zoe started digging in the dirt, prompting Phil to ask, "And what are you doing?"

Zoe replied, "I'm making pillows and blankets."

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Joke # 6

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.

"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

"That's still quite a bit," Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap."

So the clerk handed him a mirror.

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Joke # 7

Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts. She never had a boyfriend so she went to a Psychic for help.

"Honey," said the Psychic. "You will not have luck in love in this life. But, at the reincarnation, you will be a very desired woman and all men will fall at your feet."

Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought, "The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins."

She decided to jump off the bridge right away.

But, incredibly Jane didn't die!

She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face,

"Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Please! One at a time!"

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Joke # 8

Q: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
A: Thanks, I'll never part with it!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Drink Fresh Milk

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/06/drink-fresh-milk.html

AR.Drone - Round 1: Toxic factory Race

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/06/ardrone-round-1-toxic-factory-race.html

What is disappointment?

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/06/what-is-disappointment.html

Wash Your Hands

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/06/wash-your-hands.html

Divorced Barbie

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/06/divorced-barbie.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Budweiser - Referee Training

http://bit.ly/cbT9kB

Stripped WMP 300

http://bit.ly/bu7Y7x

IKEA Commercial

http://bit.ly/9xPPK5

The New Boyfriend

http://bit.ly/9bYdxn

Texas Flash Light

http://bit.ly/bQnKGV


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An Engineer's Perspective of #Christmas

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Jokes for Saturday 13th December 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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NOT a confidence builder

http://on.fb.me/12HYsPG

Success

http://on.fb.me/12HYqqR

That bitch did what

http://on.fb.me/12HYsPI

The absolute True Definition of a very Bad Day

http://on.fb.me/12HYt61

The only thing worse than being blind

http://on.fb.me/12HYt69

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Joke # 1

You change for two reasons




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Joke # 2

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

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Joke # 3

Mary: I've never met a man with such low self-esteem as his. He told me that his mother always called him her "little bastard."

Jill: That's terrible! Certainly his parents were married!

Mary: Uh, yeah, but not to each other!

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Joke # 4

Q: Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

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Joke # 5

During a difficult psychology lecture, a pre-med student interrupted: "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

To save lives, Professor Mike Wilson responded firmly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again: "So, how exactly does psychology save lives?"

Dr. Wilson replied, "It keeps the idiots out of medical school."

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Joke # 6

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

"They're Carol's."

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Joke # 7

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the day and he would have to return the following day.

"What for?" he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, "Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!"

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented.

"That's all right. You don't have to pay now."

The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."

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Joke # 8

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Loves His Job

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/06/loves-his-job.html

Legitimacy

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/06/legitimacy.html

Repairs

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/06/repairs.html

Career Growth Meter

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/06/career-growth-meter.html

Neon Signs

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/06/neon-signs.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Perito Moreno Glacier

http://bit.ly/9pT1Gi

Last Cookie

http://bit.ly/aruOpY

Toyota Advert

http://bit.ly/c8Elxw

Murtha Airport

http://bit.ly/bEBGga

Big Rock Beer

http://bit.ly/9dlgM8


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Twin Turbo



Two Faces