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Forrest Gump #Quote
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Joke # 1
Joke # 2
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
Joke # 3
A Mexican restaurant I pulled up to looked great. Only one problem: It wasn't open. So I jotted down the name for another day. Just then, a man came out of the restaurant and took a peek at what I'd written.
That's not the name of the restaurant, he said, pointing to the sign over the door. "That's Spanish for 'Closed on Mondays.'"
Joke # 4
Q: What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?
A: The leaning tower of Pizza.
Joke # 5
A competent but quiet new employee joined our computer-programming staff. The rest of us worried that she might find our offhand office humor offensive.
I knew she'd be all right, though, the evening I poked my head into the cubicle she shared with two other programmers.
You the only fool here? I asked.
Not now, she replied.
Joke # 6
Teacher asks the kids in spelling class to tell what their father does for a living, and spell it. First kid says, "My daddy's a baker. That's b-a-k-e-r. He makes bread and lots of sweet goodies to eat."
Second kid says, "My daddy's a banker. That's b-a-n-k-e-r. He makes lots of money, buys us lots of toys."
Next kid says, "My daddy's an electrician. That's e-l-a-k...uh, e-l-e-x...uh...."
Teacher interrupts, saying, "That's okay, Rayford. Think about it and we'll come back to you." Turning to Little Johnny, she says, "You're next, Johnny."
Little Johnny says, "My daddy's a bookie. That's b-o-o-k-i-e, and I'll lay you odds ten to one Rayford don't ever spell electrician."
Joke # 7
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.
When returning to her car she found that she had locked her keys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter, she didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do.
The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door".
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."
So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "Great, God. This is what you sent to help me????" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help.
She said "Yes, my daughter is very sick......I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car, I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car."
He said, "SURE". He walked over to the car, and in less than one minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "THANK YOU SO MUCH..... You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud.....
"THANK YOU, GOD, FOR SENDING ME A PROFESSIONAL."
Joke # 8
Q: Who's richer the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?
A: The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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