Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Van Art

Jokes for Tuesday 30th September 2014

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Plexus Slim

Consider the following:

-> 95% of all diets and weight loss programs fail.
-> 8 out of 10 Americans over the age of 25 are overweight.
-> 174 million Americans are overweight or obese.
-> The worldwide number is expected to double by 2030.
-> 25.8 million children and adults in the United States (8.3% of the population) have diabetes.

Source: Centers for Disease Control.

Check how Plexus products can help you lose weight --> http://PlexusSlim.com/ColinSydes


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Joke # 1



Joke # 2

Homeless Guy Signs #1 "Father was killed my ninjas. Need money for karate lessons."


Joke # 3

The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enough of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married.

As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough birth control pills to last a year, lots of vaginal foam, flavored douches, several diaphragms and Lord knows how many condoms. And you don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to seduce?"

She smiled slyly and replied, "The Druggist, silly."


Joke # 4

Q: What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A: Swim!


Joke # 5

Little Emily ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break.

"What's wrong, dear?" asked her mom..

"My doll! Billy broke it!" she sobbed.

"How did he break it, Emily?"

"With his h-h-head." sobbed Emily.

"With his head!? How on earth did he do that?" asked mom.

"I hit him over the head with it."


Joke # 6

The city boy goes to countryside to visit his uncle. After the sun goes down, the boy hears strange, another-world howling. He gets frightened and runs to his uncle. "Uncle, uncle, there are werewolves!"

"That's rubbish, boy, ain't no such thing".

"'Then, there must be man-eating wolves".

"No, we haven't got those buddies, either."

"What is this sound, then?" the boy asks.

"They are coyotes".

"Coyotes? What are those?"

"They look a lot like dogs. In fact, ya can consider them a kind of dog." The boy wants to find out more: "Why are they making that frightening noise?"

"See, nephew, we ain't got many trees around here. We got cactuses!"


Joke # 7

At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. . . The guys were excited and relieved. . . They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy. . . . then they turned the page. On the second page was written. . .

For 95 points: Which tire? _________


Joke # 8

Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.


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