British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 31 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

Dream Big

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/784


Joke 2

Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.


Joke 3

A couple are reading the paper. The wife says to her husband, "This article on overpopulation of the world says that somewhere in the world there is a woman having a baby every four seconds!"

Her husband, not to appear uninterested, said; "I think they ought to find that woman and operate on her."


Joke 4

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747


Joke 5

Fred's convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road. "I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date, "you're going to pull the old 'out of gas' routine."

"No," said Fred, "I'm going to pull the 'here after' routine."

"The 'here after' routine? What's that?", she wanted to know.

"If you're not here after what I'm here after, you'll be here after I'm gone!"


Joke 6

The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.

"Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You should always wear something."

"Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl.

Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?" "Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?"

"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."


Joke 7

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?'

The bride to be said, 'A long, frilly, white dress with a veil.'

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time, for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean. Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice.'

'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. 'Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

'You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.

'My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'

'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.

'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'


Joke 8

Q: Did you hear about the diner that promotes safe sex?
A: They write the bill on a condom. In that way you can wine and dine your date, and stick her with the bill.


To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://bit.ly/2DpQWgk


 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 30 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

Try our best

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/777


Joke 2

A mind is a terrible thing not to mess with.


Joke 3

Mary: I went shopping for bras this weekend. How depressing! I wanted one with good support.

Jill: Have you tried under wire?

Mary: Yes! Unfortunately, I have graduated to steel girders!


Joke 4

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.


Joke 5

A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore."

"What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks.

"It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!"

"You mean hystErical," his friend said, chuckling.

"No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she interrupts with: "But, before we got married, you told me you loved me..."


Joke 6

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!"

"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.

"Good, Jane." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?".

"How about a lollipop!" said Steven.

"Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".

The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"

"Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."


Joke 7

A business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around.

He was browsing through the dildos, looking for some- thing special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

The old man said, 'Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied except---' and he stopped.

'Except what?' the man asked. ?

'Nothing, nothing.'

'C'mon, tell me! I need something!'

'Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis.'

'So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?' he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary- looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said 'Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!'

The old man replied, 'But you haven't seen what it'll do yet.'

He pointed to a door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, the door.'

The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box,darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said 'Voodoo Penis, return to box!'

The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.

'I'll take it!' said the businessman.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say 'Voodoo Penis, my vagina .'

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis....

She undressed, opened the box and said, 'Voodoo Penis my vagina !'

The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.

After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, 'I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my vagina and it won't stop screwing me!'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied,

'Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass.'


Joke 8

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.


It's ok to cut off toxic people from your life

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/778


 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Monday, January 29, 2018

Surrender To The Force

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Mahatma Gandhi

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Charles Dickens

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Count your age

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

This is the beginning of anything you want

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Stop saying yes to shit you hate

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Zombie Government

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 29 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

Don't underestimate me

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/594


Joke 2

America is a land of untold wealth. Most of it is untold on the tax forms!


Joke 3

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumb- founded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"


Joke 4

Q: What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?
A: About three inches.


Joke 5

A Scot and an American were talking about playing golf during the various seasons of the year."In most parts of the U.S. we cannot play in the wintertime. We have to wait until spring," the Yank said.

"Why, in Scotland we can even play in the winter time. Snow and cold are no object to us!" exulted the Scot.

"Well, what do you do... paint your balls black?" asked the American.

"No, nothing that drastic," said the Scotsman. "We just put on an extra sweater or two."


Joke 6

A concerned patient asked the doctor if wanking is harmful.

"Not usually," answered the doctor. "Not unless you do it too often."

"How about three times a day?" the patient asked.

"That seems a little excessive. Why don't you get a girlfriend?"

"Oh,... I already have a girlfriend," the patient replied.

"I mean a girl you can live with and have sex with?" asked the doctor.

The patient said, "I've got one just like that!"

So the doctor asked, "Then why do you whank three times a day?"

"Because... she won't have sex during mealtimes!"


Joke 7

There once was a yellow frog and all the other frogs used to tease him. So, one day he went to an old witch and asked if she could change him to green.

The witch said she could and she said the magic words. The frog was green!

But when the frog looked down he said, "Witch, my private parts are still yellow!"

The witch said, "I don't do private parts; you'll have to go to my sister down the road." And so off the frog went.

Later that day a blue deer came to ask the witch to change him to brown. The witch did. Then he too saw that his private parts were blue. "What about my private parts?" The witch told him to go to his sister's house and she'd change his private parts to brown.

The deer said, "I'm not very good with directions. How do I get there?"

The witch said, "Oh that's easy, just follow the yellow dicked toad!"


Joke 8

Q: Why did the hens go on strike?
A: They refused to work for chicken feed.


C.S. Lewis

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/593


 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 28 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

Outrageous Hashtag

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://bit.ly/2DpW3NA


Joke 2

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.


Joke 3

"I always worry when you leave for a weekend with the guys," sobbed the pretty young wife. "Don't worry about me, babe," he soothed her.

"I'll be back before you know it."

"I know," she sighed. "That's what worries me."


Joke 4

Q: What is the definition of a bachelor?
A: It's some guy who's depriving some woman of her God-given right to alimony.


Joke 5

John bought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door, his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately.

"My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?"

"22 years", replied John.

"You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years."

"Don't be fooled! She only does it to make the dog jealous."


Joke 6

A housewife is at home when she suddenly hears a knock on the door.

When she opens the door a man asks her if she has a vagina, the woman slams the door in disbelief of what a stranger has just asked her.

The same thing happens three consecutive days and the woman decides to tells her husband.

The husband says to the wife; "Tomorrow I am not going to work and when the man asks if you have a vagina say 'yes' and I will be hiding behind the door."

The next day the same man comes again and when the woman opens the door he asks, "Do you have vagina?"

"The woman says, "Yes."

"The man then responds, "Good! Then please tell your husband to stop screwing my wife!"


Joke 7

A kindergarten teacher comes to class and says, "Today class I am going to give you a letter of the alphabet and I want you to give me a word that begins with that letter." She begins with the letter "A" and all the kids raise their hands.

There is one kid in the back named Little Johnny that is real eager to answer the question, but the teacher knows that he is always vulgar and likes to use obscenities so she chooses on little Rachael to answer. Rachael stands and says,"A...Apple"

The teacher replies,"That's great, Rachael, good job."

So she moves on to the letter "B", and again Little Johnny is still eager to answer the question, but the teacher is sure that he will probably say "Bitch" or something like that so she calls on Donna. Donna says, "B...Baseball."

And the teacher replies,"Good Job, Donna."

So they start going through the alphabet and the class' attention dwindles, except for Little Johnny. The teacher comes to the letter "R" and no one, except for Little Johnny, is raising their hand so she is forced to call on him.

"Okay Little Johnny, what starts with R?" she says.

"R...Rat" Little Johnny replies. "Rat, ...that's it...rat?" the teacher questions with astonishment.

"Yeah," says Little Johnny, "Big-ass fucking rat, with a dick ten inches long!"


Joke 8

Q: What's worse than a cardboard box?
A: Paper boobs!


Big Bang Theory

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://bit.ly/2DqFtxf


 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 27 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

No matter how big a hammer you use

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/780


Joke 2

They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.


Joke 3

At the office, Judy says that she was going home early because she didn't feel well.

Maury, unfairly insinuating that Pauly, his co-worker, is sleeping with her, quips to Pauly, "Is it something you have given her?"

Pauly: "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness."


Joke 4

Q: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.


Joke 5

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'

Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'

Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'

Hubby: Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'


Joke 6

The teacher is teaching Basic English to the third graders and asks them to make a sentence with the word "clock."

Little Marsha wrote: At home in the lounge we have an old clock.

Little Maury wrote: My mom gave my dad a clock for his birthday.

Little Pauly wrote: My sister's boyfriend gave my sister a big clock.

Pauly was immediately sent home with a note for his parents. His claim that omitting the "l" was just an oversight was not accepted.


Joke 7

A woman and her son are taking a cab in New York City. It's raining and all the hookers are standing under the awnings.

The young boy asks, "Mom, what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work."

The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have s*x with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers "yes."

"Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"

"Most of them become cab drivers."


Joke 8

Q: What do you call a coke bottle full of bees?
A: A West Virginia Vibrator


Be you

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/781


 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Friday, January 26, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 26 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

Refuse to be unhappy

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://bit.ly/2DrdAVG


Joke 2

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?


Joke 3

After giving Mrs. Pauly a complete physical exam, the doctor arranges to speak privately to Pauly: "I have examined your wife, and I have to be honest with you: I really don't like the way she looks."

"To tell you the truth, doc, I don't like the way she looks either, but, boy, does she have money!"


Joke 4

Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
A: Because he was out standing in his field!


Joke 5

The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order, everybody sitting absolutely still.

She was shocked and stunned. "I've never seen anything like this before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why were you so well- behaved and quiet?"

From the back of the room Little Johnny piped up, "One time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you'd drop dead."


Joke 6

A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy.

Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says,

"I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."

The caddy looks back at him and says, "I don't think you could keep your head down that long."


Joke 7

The voluptuous redhead was walking down a dimly lit street when a man jumped out of the bushes. "Give me your money," he demanded.

"I d-don't have any," she managed to reply.

"Give me your money or I'll search you!" he threatened.

She repeated that she didn't have any,then gasped as he made a tentative search.

"You'd better give me your money now," he said menacingly, "or I'm going to rally search you!"

"But I don't have any!" she protested, almost in tears. So he really

searched her.

"I guess you were on the level," he finally muttered angrily. "You don't have any money on you."

"For heaven's sake," she wailed, "don't stop now. I'll write you a check."


Joke 8

Q: How do we know the Cinderella story was written by a woman?
A: Because if it was written by a guy, the prince woulda banged her till 12 and then she would have turned into a pizza.


Sometimes you win sometimes you learn

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/592


 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 25 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

Life is too short

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/589


Joke 2

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha


Joke 3

Johnny was trying to have sex with Susie against her objection of it's being evil.

Johnny cajoled her. "Evil, yes, it is evil and sin. But Susie, sin is forgiven. Let's begin to seek forgiveness by God. And let's do it now!"


Joke 4

Q: How do they put out fires at the post office?
A: They stamp them out.


Joke 5

A couple stepped up to the desk clerk of one of the city's hotel.

"I'd like a room with a bath for my wife and myself, said the young man.

"I'm terrible sorry, sir," said the clerk, "but the only room available doesn't have a bath...only a shower."

"Will that be all right with you, darling?" the man asked the young woman at his side.

"Sure, mister," she said.


Joke 6

When Abraham Lincoln was captain of an Illinois militia unit, the "Bucktail Rangers," in 1832 during the Black Hawk war, he was as ignorant of military matters as his company was of drill and tactics.

On one occasion his troop, marching in platoon formation, was confronted by a fence. Captain Lincoln had no idea of the properorder, but his quick wit did not desert him.

"Company dismissed for two minutes," he commanded. "At the end of that time, fall in on the other side of the fence."


Joke 7

A difficult independent seventy-five-year-old woman liked sitting by the park, feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole loaf of fresh bread just to feed her daily companions.

Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood.

Suddenly a man in his early foeries rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere, when there are a lot of people starving in Africa.

She replied in crazed anger and without hesitation, "Mister, at my age, I can't throw that far. I'd also be surprised if YOU could -- and you're MUCH younger!"


Joke 8

Q: How do you circumcise a whale?
A: Send down fore-skin divers.


Let the good times roll

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/590


 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

SUPERIOR COIN

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 24 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

There's a difference between interest and commitment

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/587


Joke 2

What's worse than being blind? Is to have sight but no vision - Helen Keller


Joke 3

Two Englishmen, out for a night on the town, picked up a couple of women in a dimly lit pub and began touring the town. In another pub, while the ladies were occupied in the powder room, one of the men whispered to the other: "I say, old man, would you mind if we switched dates?"

"No," said the other. "But yours seems a decent sort, what's wrong with her?"

"Nothing much," replied the first, "but between the smog and the grog and the fog, I seem to have picked up an aunt of mine."


Joke 4

Q: What day does a fish hate?
A: Fry day.


Joke 5

A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class. The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and asked, "What are you doing wearing a football jersey?"

The girl replied, "Why, I bought it and own it. Why shouldn't I wear it?"

He said, "You're not supposed to wear it to class unless you've made the team."

"Oh," she replied sweetly. "Who did I miss?"


Joke 6

Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book.

It looked so realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook, she slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the book once again, again the fly didn't fly away.

This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened. Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school.

"You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said.

"That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on a fence and for two weeks straight I was pulling splinters out of my dick."


Joke 7

Two men were talking in a restaurant. They had ordered their dinner and were patiently waiting for the meals to be delivered. The first man asked the other, "Do you know how many lawyers it would take to change a lightbulb?"

"Naw, cain't rightly say I do," replied the second guy.

"You could NEVER get a lawyer to change a lightbulb!"

"Now, hold on, pardner." The man added, "I ain't no rocket scientist, but NO lawyer could see what he was doing in the dark!"

The othr man replied, "Well, you have two alternatives. Here they are. One, you could ask the secretary to change the light bulb. She would. Two, you could ask the lawyer, 'Would you screw a new light bulb in here?' and he would! Hell, man, don't cha know? A LAWYER will screw anything he can!"


Joke 8

Q: What did the big chimney say to the small chimney?
A: "You're too young to be smoking."


Honesty

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/588


 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 23 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

George Bernard Shaw

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/583


Joke 2

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact. - George Eliot


Joke 3

Little Jill asks her mother, "Can I go over to Rosey's house and watch the magic show?"

Mother replied, "Whatever do you mean, dear?"

Jill said, "The one she performs. I heard her tell Nina she got $600 for doing six tricks last night."


Joke 4

Q: What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis?
A: A hoarse doctor.


Joke 5

A salesman's car breaks down, so he asks a farmer to let him spend the night, and the farmer agrees. In the middle of the night, the salesman wakes up and is really thirsty, so he decides to go to the barn and get some milk from a cow.

Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn and goes to investigate. He then sees the salesman coming out of the barn soaking wet and with a white liquid dripping down his face. The farmer asks, "What happened to you?"

The salesman says, "I just got thirsty, so I milked your cow. It was so dark in there I don't know how I did it. But I'm telling you, that cow has great milk! I must have drank a gallon of it!"

The farmer then stares at him with a puzzled look and says, "But we don't have a cow. We just have the bull..."


Joke 6

The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door.

The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. "Oh God," she cried, "it's my husband! Quick, jump out the window."

The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window,then stopped. "I can't," he said, "we're on the 13th floor."

"For chrissakes," cried the young lady in exasperation, "do you think this the right f*ckin' time to be superstitious?"


Joke 7

Little Johnny was left to fix lunch.

When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had already strained the tea.

The two women then sipped their tea happily while having lunch.

"Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" Johnny's mother asked.

"I couldn't find it Ma, so I used the fly swatter," he replied.

His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added: "Don't get excited, Ma, I used the old one!"


Joke 8

Q: What do you call an artificial stone?
A: A shamrock.


Helen Keller

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/584


 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Monday, January 22, 2018

Gandhi

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Never let your memories be greater than your dreams


Freedom

 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 22 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

Dwight D. Eisenhower

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/426


Joke 2

There are two educations. One should teach us how to make a living, and the other how to live. - John Adams


Joke 3

A novice gardener who was looking for some advice asked an experienced farmer, "What would be good to plant in an area that gets very little rain, has too much late afternoon sun, has clay soil and lies on a rocky ledge?"

Replied the farmer, "How about a flagpole?".


Joke 4

Q: How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Are you kidding? That's a hardware problem!


Joke 5

A man came back to the dealer from whom he bought a new car.

I believe you gave me a guarantee with my car, he said.

That's right, sir, the salesman answered. "During the warranty period we will replace anything that breaks."

Fine, I need a new garage door.


Joke 6

Little Johnny is in the park eating candy when an old man comes up to him. The old man says, "Y'know, eating candy is not good for your health."

Little Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

The old man asks, "Well, did he eat candy?"

Little Johnny says, "No, but he knew how to mind his own damn business."


Joke 7

Two Goober hunters were dragging their dead deer down a trail back to their car.

Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

"Hey, I don't want to tell you what to do, but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck!"


Joke 8

Q: How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
A: She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."


Denis Waitley

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/427


 

 

 

Donation:
If you appreciate the things I share, consider making a contribution
no matter how small via PayPal or with TransferWise (EUR).
If you use Waves my wallet address is: 3PPeCnXEDAiRVzvsuGRycrNDHhWgDq68uVt
If you use Litecoin my wallet address is: LQG2B5roRxPwVj4jGVQpXQV1xZM3shDA3R

Litecoin QR-Code

Copy and paste this code into your pages.