British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

Monday, January 29, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 29 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

Don't underestimate me

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/594


Joke 2

America is a land of untold wealth. Most of it is untold on the tax forms!


Joke 3

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumb- founded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"


Joke 4

Q: What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?
A: About three inches.


Joke 5

A Scot and an American were talking about playing golf during the various seasons of the year."In most parts of the U.S. we cannot play in the wintertime. We have to wait until spring," the Yank said.

"Why, in Scotland we can even play in the winter time. Snow and cold are no object to us!" exulted the Scot.

"Well, what do you do... paint your balls black?" asked the American.

"No, nothing that drastic," said the Scotsman. "We just put on an extra sweater or two."


Joke 6

A concerned patient asked the doctor if wanking is harmful.

"Not usually," answered the doctor. "Not unless you do it too often."

"How about three times a day?" the patient asked.

"That seems a little excessive. Why don't you get a girlfriend?"

"Oh,... I already have a girlfriend," the patient replied.

"I mean a girl you can live with and have sex with?" asked the doctor.

The patient said, "I've got one just like that!"

So the doctor asked, "Then why do you whank three times a day?"

"Because... she won't have sex during mealtimes!"


Joke 7

There once was a yellow frog and all the other frogs used to tease him. So, one day he went to an old witch and asked if she could change him to green.

The witch said she could and she said the magic words. The frog was green!

But when the frog looked down he said, "Witch, my private parts are still yellow!"

The witch said, "I don't do private parts; you'll have to go to my sister down the road." And so off the frog went.

Later that day a blue deer came to ask the witch to change him to brown. The witch did. Then he too saw that his private parts were blue. "What about my private parts?" The witch told him to go to his sister's house and she'd change his private parts to brown.

The deer said, "I'm not very good with directions. How do I get there?"

The witch said, "Oh that's easy, just follow the yellow dicked toad!"


Joke 8

Q: Why did the hens go on strike?
A: They refused to work for chicken feed.


C.S. Lewis

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/593


 

 

 

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