British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 24 Jan 2018

 

Joke 1

There's a difference between interest and commitment

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/587


Joke 2

What's worse than being blind? Is to have sight but no vision - Helen Keller


Joke 3

Two Englishmen, out for a night on the town, picked up a couple of women in a dimly lit pub and began touring the town. In another pub, while the ladies were occupied in the powder room, one of the men whispered to the other: "I say, old man, would you mind if we switched dates?"

"No," said the other. "But yours seems a decent sort, what's wrong with her?"

"Nothing much," replied the first, "but between the smog and the grog and the fog, I seem to have picked up an aunt of mine."


Joke 4

Q: What day does a fish hate?
A: Fry day.


Joke 5

A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class. The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and asked, "What are you doing wearing a football jersey?"

The girl replied, "Why, I bought it and own it. Why shouldn't I wear it?"

He said, "You're not supposed to wear it to class unless you've made the team."

"Oh," she replied sweetly. "Who did I miss?"


Joke 6

Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book.

It looked so realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook, she slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the book once again, again the fly didn't fly away.

This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened. Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school.

"You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said.

"That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on a fence and for two weeks straight I was pulling splinters out of my dick."


Joke 7

Two men were talking in a restaurant. They had ordered their dinner and were patiently waiting for the meals to be delivered. The first man asked the other, "Do you know how many lawyers it would take to change a lightbulb?"

"Naw, cain't rightly say I do," replied the second guy.

"You could NEVER get a lawyer to change a lightbulb!"

"Now, hold on, pardner." The man added, "I ain't no rocket scientist, but NO lawyer could see what he was doing in the dark!"

The othr man replied, "Well, you have two alternatives. Here they are. One, you could ask the secretary to change the light bulb. She would. Two, you could ask the lawyer, 'Would you screw a new light bulb in here?' and he would! Hell, man, don't cha know? A LAWYER will screw anything he can!"


Joke 8

Q: What did the big chimney say to the small chimney?
A: "You're too young to be smoking."


Honesty

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/588


 

 

 

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