Wednesday, May 26, 2010

WARNING! Facebook will automatically scan your brain through your monitor

To block, go to Kitchen Cabinets & remove box that says "Aluminium Foil." Wrap foil around your head. Stay calm. Breath through your left nostril. This is serious & has been confirmed by CNN, Fox & my cousin's girlfriend's neighbor's aunt and her pet chihuahua. Copy / paste to SAVE all your Friends.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Murphy's Laws of Combat

  1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

  2. Incoming fire has the right of way.

  3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.

  4. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

  5. The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been mined.

  6. Try to look unimportant, the enemy may be low on ammo.

  7. Veterans are predictable, it's the replacements that are dangerous.

  8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:

  9. b. when you're not ready for them.

  10. Teamwork is essential, it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

  11. If you can't remember, then the claymore anti-personnel mine IS pointed at you.

  12. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

  13. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

  14. If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.

  15. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

  16. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

  17. If you build yourself a bunker that's tough for the enemy to get into quickly, then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.

  18. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

  19. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in combat.

  20. When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

  21. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

  22. Friendly fire isn't.

  23. If the platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

  24. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.

  25. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

  26. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

  27. A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds.

  28. Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just regrouping for a counter-attack.

  29. If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike.

  30. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

  31. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.

  32. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

  33. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

  34. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.

  35. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

  36. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.

  37. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  38. Interchangeable parts aren't.

  39. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.

  40. There is no such thing as military 'intelligence'.

  41. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (in boot camp).

  42. The one item you need is always in short supply.

  43. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

  44. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

  45. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.

  46. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.

  47. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up killed or wounded.

  48. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they DON'T want.

  49. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

  50. The weapon that always jams when you need it the most is the M60.

  51. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by some unqualified idiot.

  52. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.

  53. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Congressional Medal Of Honor.

  54. A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and luck enough to survive.

  55. The enemy never monitors your radio traffic until you broadcast on an unsecure channel.

  56. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.

  57. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.

  58. Never tell the platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

  59. The seriousness of a wound is inversely proportional to the distance to the nearest form of cover.

  60. Walking point = sniper bait.

  61. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.

  62. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

  63. Recoilless weapons aren't.

  64. Suppressive fire works on everything but the enemy.

  65. You are not Superman, but sometimes thinking you are will save you ass!

  66. Murphy was a grunt.