Sunday, February 27, 2011

A Retired Navy Man's Hobby

Ship Model: Admiral Graf Spee, built from scratch by: William Terra (ME - USA); Scale: 1:20

Additional Information:
The model is built like a canoe using 1"/4" bass wood strips, then covered with fiberglass.
Estimated weight: 700 lbs
The beam is 52"
The length is about 30'
It can carry two people
The model is powered by a 15 hp outboard engine under rear gun turret.
It can sail 15 mph

Furthermore the model has a built-in music system.
While the Captain, William Terra,in the photos cruises the lakes of Maine he enjoys listening to Wagner.

March of the Penguins

Posing for their close-ups, these are the penguins who live on the remote island of South Georgia in the South Atlantic. And while pictures of the inhabitants of Britain’s most outlying colony are common – these are possibly the most stunning ever taken. British photographer, Nick Garbutt, became very friendly with his subjects after traveling to witness the massive colony, made up of around a quarter of a million birds. In one image, taken in natural harbour Salisbury Plain, he can be seen directly in front of two king penguins. In others, they troop to the shore and back to feed their hungry offspring, while one pair put on a spectacular display of courtship – almost creating a mirror image of each other. The king penguins are shown to be intimate creatures, and greet each other by rubbing their stomachs together and arching their beautiful gold crested necks.

Garbutt, from Cumbria, took a three week voyage on a ship called the Vavilov. He sailed from Ushuaia in Argentina’s Tierra del Fuego, to the Falklands and from there to the remote island. The voyage also took him to the Yalour Islands and Peterman Island off the Antarctic Peninsula. There was curiosity on both sides,’ said Nick. ‘I also felt exhilaration from being surrounded by the sounds, smells and sight of such a large mass of birds. ‘It was a really immersive experience.’ Nick was able to take the amazingly intimate shots through careful observation and physical rigour. Birds were constantly moving between the colony and the sea with different individuals and groups were going back and forth.

‘Often when one sets off, others seem to follow and they trudge the same paths as previous birds. ‘Every so often little lines of penguins form as they plod down to the water’s edge. I watched this for a while with several groups, then inched my way in on my belly towards the line they were walking. During winter months the penguins have the beaches to themselves. From early spring, which falls in November, they share the beaches with huge colonies of elephant seals. There are several king penguin colonies on South Georgia. Salisbury Plain is second largest colony on the islands, with over 250,000 birds in total. South Georgia is a British Dependent Island administered from the Falklands.

Guide to Advanced Nose Picking

Deep Salvage Pick
Reminiscent of the deep sea exploration to find the Titanic ship, you probe deep into your nasal passages.

Utensil Pick
When fingers, and even your thumb, just aren't enough to get the job done to your satisfaction.

Extra Pick
When you have been digging for nuggets hours upon hours and suddenly you hit the jackpot! Excitement only equaled by winning the lottery.

Depression Pick
When your sad, and the only way to fill the void is to pick so hard and fast that the agony overcomes your feeling of remorse and depression.

Pick A Lot
What we would call abnormal amounts of picking. Anything in the three digit realm we consider a bit too much for a 24 hour time frame.

Kiddie Pick
When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is, there's no time limit!

Camouflaged Kiddie Pick
When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back the smile.

Fake Nose Scratch
When you make believe you've got an itch but you're really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers.

Making A Meal Out Of It
You do it so furiously, and for so long, you're probably entitled to dessert.

Surprise Pickings
When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurling out of your nose, and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt.

The kind you do in a car, when no one's looking. Also can mean automatic pick, the one you do when your not even thinking about it, at work, while talking to a co-worker, during a meeting....

Pick Your Brains
Done in private, this is the one where your finger goes in so far, it passes the septum.

Pick And Save
When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and thenyou pocket the snot so they don't catch on to what you did.

Pick And Flick
Snot now becomes a weapon against your sister and others in range around you.

Pick And Stick
You wanted it to be a "Pick and Flick," but it stubbornly clings to your fingertip.

Pipe Cleaner Pick
The kind where you remove a piece of snot so big, it improves your breathing by 90%.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Differences Between Lesbians And Dykes

A lesbian buys real estate.
A dyke rents.

A lesbian drinks out of a glass.
A dyke pops a top.

A dyke owns a Harley.
A lesbian owns a 10 speed Schwinn.

A dyke's tattoos don't rub off.
A lesbian's don't show.

A lesbian brunches.
A dyke drives-through.

A lesbian has acquaintances.
A dyke has buddies.

A dyke buys 'Hustler' over the counter.
A lesbian has a subscription.

None of a lesbian's earrings are made from parts of her tool box.

A lesbian drives a Porsche.
A dyke commands a pick-up.

A lesbian has her ears pierced.
A dyke goes further. Way further!

A dyke can actually use the word dildo 15 to 20 times a day.

A lesbian passes gas.
A dyke farts.

A lesbian cooks.
A dyke defrosts.

A dyke makes dinner.
A lesbian makes reservations.

A lesbian entertains at home.
A dyke has a regular bar stool.

A lesbian networks, and chats.
A dyke shows up.

A dyke has a tool belt.
A lesbian has a tooled belt.

A dyke believes she looks great in an six dollar haircut.

A dyke will drink from any hose.
A lesbian carries her own Evian.

A dyke plays softball.
A lesbian plays hardball.

Top Ten Reasons to Love Rednecks

Autopsy Lesson

First-year students at Texas A&M’s Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class with a real, dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, ‘In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.’ As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

‘Go ahead and do the same thing,’ he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, ‘The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.’ ‘Now, learn to pay attention. Life’s tough, but it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.

New Nokia Products in Egypt

Monday, February 21, 2011

Nude Painting

Boudreaux, a good old boy from South Louisiana, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.

His fame grew......and soon people from all over the country were coming to South Louisiana to have portraits done. Dah boy could Paint! ......and it looked good too!

One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house. Inside the car was a beautiful woman, and she asked Boudreaux if he would paint her in the nude.

This was the first time anyone had made this request of Boudreaux. The woman said money was no object; she was willing to pay $50,000.

Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Boudreaux asked the woman to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Clotille, his missus.

In a few minutes, he returned.... And said to the lady, "I can do dat, ain't no big thang. I'll paint ya in DA nude, but I gotta leave my socks on.......... So I'll have a place to wipe my brushes."

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Wide Screen TV

There simply has to be a better, not to mention safer, way to get your big screen television home.

Funny Pictures


Found It

How to Have an Argument with a Woman

Bone-less Chicken

Arab Sex Doll

10 Most Expensive Cars

Homer Simpson's Words of Wisdom

  • When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle - they're on TV!
  • Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.
  • Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.
  • What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
  • Lisa, vampires are make believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
  • Save me, Jeebus!
  • Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
  • I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!
  • Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.
  • I don't hate your mother, I just won't be sad when she dies.
  • How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain - remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
  • Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually!
  • Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You/re making a scene'.
  • I'm a 'Spalding Gray' in a 'Rick Dees' world.
  • there anything they can't do?
  • Trying is the first step toward failure.
  • Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything!
  • That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
  • You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car!
  • Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.
  • When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
  • America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
  • It's like something out of that "twilighty" show about that zone.
  • Marge, you being a cop makes you the man - which makes me the woman; and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which (as we discussed) is strictly a comfort thing.
  • Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love...
  • It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
  • English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
  • I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.
  • Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers?
  • Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close!
  • Beer - now THERE'S a temporary solution.
  • How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's His Name? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those "Police Academy" movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing - did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze.
  • Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
  • You're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!
  • Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'
  • I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight!
  • Apu, you got any Skittle Brau? Never mind, just give me some Duff and a pack of Skittles.
  • You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.
  • Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
  • Extended warranty? How can I lose?
  • Mmmmmm - 52 slices of American cheese.
  • Hey, I asked for ketchup - I'm eatin' salad here!
  • When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, you know like that movie... "Spaceballs". But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy".
  • I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!
  • Son, when you participate in sporting events - it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.
  • Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.
  • Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
  • I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.
  • You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
  • Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.
  • God bless those pagans.
  • Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night!
  • If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!
  • You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.
  • Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.
  • I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
  • With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!
  • All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
  • Woo hoo! 350 dollars! Now I can buy 70 transcripts of Nightline!
  • Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.
  • When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
  • You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.
  • I hope I didn't brain my damage!
  • Nuts and gum, together at last!
  • We'll die together, like a father and son should.
  • Let us celebrate this agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
  • We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays!
  • First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind!
  • Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer.
  • Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden.
  • Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.
  • You can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup!
  • I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
  • I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!
  • I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!
  • Oh, they have Internet on computers now.
  • Marge I swear, I never thought that you would find out.
  • Books are useless: I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" - and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but what good does THAT do me?
  • Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!
  • I am so smart, I am so smart, S M R T, I mean S M A R T.
  • I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. See ya soon!