Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Curious Photos

10 Things To Learn From Japan

    Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

    Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

    The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn't fall.

    People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

    No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.

    Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

    Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

    The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

    They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

    When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly

Red Cross Japan Tsunami Appeal

All Girl Biker Bar

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
  1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

  2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

  3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

  4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

  5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Military Secrets

Japan Earthquake/Tsunami - Before & After #3

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Red Cross Japan Tsunami Appeal


When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here and shut up.

3 little pigs

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is.
They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...'I think the man would have said - 'I'll be a son of a bitch!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.

10,000 year old bones

An archeological team, digging in Washington DC, has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains of what is believed to be the first Politician.

Japan Earthquake/Tsunami - Before & After #2

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Red Cross Japan Tsunami Appeal

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When

  • You channel surf faster without a remote.

  • You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

  • You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

  • Your Thermos is on wheels.

  • Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

  • You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

  • You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

  • You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

  • Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter Scale.

  • You can't even remember your second cup.

  • You help your dog chase its tail.

  • You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

  • Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

Japan Earthquake/Tsunami - Before & After #1

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Red Cross Japan Tsunami Appeal

Friday, March 25, 2011

Goodyear Alien Invasion

Nominate your local hero to win a ride that’s out of this world on the Goodyear Spirit of Safety.

Types of Bosses

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Height of...

Height of Confusion:
Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles.

Height of Pain:
A monkey sliding down a knife's edge using balls as his brakes.

Height of Honesty:
A pregnant woman asking the bus conductor for one & a half ticket.

Height of Foolishness:
A guy peeping thru' the keyhole of a glass door.

Height of Revenge:
A bastard puncturing all the condoms in a contraceptive factory.

Height of Noise:
Two skeletons fucking on a tin roof.

Height of Itch:
A fat man hanging (upside down) from a roof trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Innocence:
A teenager girl applying Clearasil to her nipples thinking them as pimples.

Height of Unemployment:
Cobwebs in prostitute's cunt.

Height of Laziness:
A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.

Height of Competition:
A guy peeing against Niagara Falls.

Height of Bravery:
A naked man bending over to pick up a quarter on an island of gays.

Height of Sophistication:
Sucking nipples with a straw.

Height of Disgusting:
While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.

Height of Technology:
Condom with zip

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Yoga vs. Alcohol

Research confirms that drinking Alcohol gives you the same benefits yoga does !

1. Position of total relaxation

2. Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm. 

3. This position calms the brain and heals tired legs. 

4. Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column. 

5. Excellent for back pain and insomnia. 

6. Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms. 

7. Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms. 

8. This position is great for massaging the hip area. 

9. This position, for ankles and back muscles.