Old man and young woman

A balding, white haired man from Bellville, Texas , walked into a jewelry store in a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old m an seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I'm know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There'sonly $25 in that account.'

'I know, said the old man,

'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'

See... Not All Seniors Are Senile.

Priceless - Second Opinion

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on a nerve at the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital a few days later, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit...' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like to try on a new suit please...'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see now... Size 44 long should do it' Joe laughed, 'Wow, that's right; how did you know?' 'Oh, I've been in the business 40 years sir!' the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt to go with that lovely suit sir?' Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure, why not.'

The salesman eyed Joe for a moment and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16 1/2 neck.' Joe was surprised again, 'You're absolutely right, how did you guess that?' 'Been in the business 40 years sir.' Joe tried on the shirt and it fit like a glove! Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?' Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure, I might as well.' The salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.' Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'No way! You can't wear a size 34 sir. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache!!'

New suit .........................$400
New shirt........................$36
New underwear..............$6
Second Opinion.............. PRICELESS!!

Pencil Lead Art #2

Pencil Lead Art #1

Max Beer Commercial

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A Unique Toothbrush

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How Hot Is It?

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Fun Facts About Australia - Geography

• No part of Australia is more than 1000 km from the ocean and a beach. (The point in the world that's the furthest from any ocean would be in China.)

• Australia has the world's largest cattle station (ranch). At 30,028 km2 it is almost the same size as Belgium.

• Population density in Australia is usually calculated in km2 per person, not people per km2.

• Australians have 380,000 m2 per person available. Yet well over 90% are cramming into our coastal cities. We call Australian's from Queensland "banana benders", and people from Western Australia are "sandgropers".

• Tasmania has the cleanest air in the world.

• The Great Barrier Reef has a mailbox. You can ferry out there and send a postcard, stamped with the only Great Barrier Reef stamp.

• The Australian Alps, or Snowy Mountains as they are also known, receive more snow than Switzerland.

• Melbourne has the second largest Greek population in the world, after Athens.

Save The Beer

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Breakup

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Romantic Men - 3 Short Video Clips

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Mexican Ferry

The bilge pump was especially effective I thought!



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Garfield Diet Tips

Texas in July

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN TEXAS IN JULY WHEN... .

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of   the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs...

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron..

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car..

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at  7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, 'What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?'

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Ah, what a place to call home. .

God Bless The State of  TEXAS !!!

May The Fourth Be With You

Flag Tattoo

Facts About Old Men and Women

Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?

A: Look in the library-------under Romantic Fiction.

Q: How can a guy cope during his wife's menopause?

A: By staying busy. If you're mechanically inclined, you can remodel the garage. When you are finished you will have a flat in which to live.

Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?

A: She should tell him she's with child.

Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?

A: Don't wear a brassiere. The additional hanging "weights" will take out the wrinkles.

Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?

A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.

Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?

A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.

Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?

A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon

Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?

A: On top of their heads.

Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?

A: 'Gee, I have one of these.'

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On 4th of July

Remember this patriotic gesture...

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