Friday, December 28, 2012

New Years Resolutions For Pets

  1. I will not eat other animals' poop.

  2. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

  3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

  4. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

  5. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

  6. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

  7. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

  8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

  9. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me!

  10. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

  11. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

  12. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

  13. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
    January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

  14. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

  15. AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

  16. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Saturday, December 15, 2012

The Hobbit

The Hobbit

Xmas Vibrator

Xmas Vibrator 1

Xmas Vibrator 2

Complexity is your enemy

Complexity is your enemy

If you carry the bricks from your past relationship to the new one, you will only build the same house

If you carry the bricks from your past relationship to the new one, you will only build the same house

The most exciting phrase to hear in science

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'eureka!' but 'that's funny...' - Isaac Asimov

Winston Churchill Quote

Winston Churchill Quote

Anger Management

Anger Management

GoViral Videos - Just Click Each Video

Monday, December 10, 2012

Sponsored Links

I get money when these sponsored links are clicked so please help so that I can continue providing my Joke blog for free.

  1. 10 Boys For Selena Gomez
  2. 10 Dumbest Criminals
  3. 10 Police Fails
  4. 10 Things Siri Says
  5. 10 Things You Don't Know About Channing Tatum
  6. 12 Great White Dresses
  7. 12 Stockings Can Look Super Hot
  8. 15 best dog memes
  9. 15 of the Best 'Made a Mistake' memes
  10. 15 Ways to Get the Whitest Teeth Ever
  11. Ain't Nobody Got Time For That!
  12. Amazing 3D Tattoos
  13. Amazing Extinct Animals
  14. Animals Ready For Christmas
  15. August Horoscope for Cancer
  16. August Horoscope for Sagittarius
  17. Awesome Electric Cars!
  18. Awesome LEGO Creations
  19. Best 4th of July Instagrams
  20. Best Of Grumpy Cat meme
  21. Best of OAGF
  22. Best Santacon Pictures
  23. Best-Paying Jobs for Women
  24. Chick-fil-A Memes
  25. Craziest Green Beret Facts
  26. Crazy Sushi Art
  27. Creative Ways to Show You Love Them!
  28. Diane Von Furstenberg's Best This Season
  29. Dumbest injuries
  30. Facts About the Aurora Shooting
  31. Famous Male Celebs Do Drag
  32. Favorite Baby Memes
  33. Favorite NFL Ink
  34. Festive Nails
  35. Funniest Text Breakups
  36. Funny Autocorrects
  37. Funny Retail Signs
  38. Haircut Fails
  39. Hilarious Family Portraits
  40. Hilarious Holiday Photos
  41. Horoscope Tips For Geminis (June 2012)
  42. Horoscope Tips For Sagittariuses (June 2012)
  43. How To Give Your BF Christmas Gift Hints
  44. How to Survive The Holidays With Your Family
  45. Jimmy Kimmel's 'Celebrities Read Mean Tweets About Themselves'
  46. NFL Top 10 Power Rankings
  47. Our Favorite Lord Voldemort Memes
  48. Quick-Memes You Won't Want to Miss!
  49. Signs of a Cheater
  50. The 15 Biggest iPhone 5 Complaints
  51. The Best Apple Map Memes
  52. The Best Harry Potter Jokes
  53. The Best Of Pusheen The Cat
  54. The Biggest Celebrity Breakups
  55. The Worst Drinks for Your Body
  56. Things Technology Killed
  57. Top 12 Gadgets That Changed The World
  58. Top Party Colleges in the United States!
  59. Totally Awkward Couple's Pics
  60. Ugly Christmas Trees
  61. Vintage Ad Posters
  62. When Makeup is Scarey
  63. Who Is Your One Direction Boyfriend?
  64. Worst Santa Pics Of All Time

Lessons in Womanhood

Lessons in Womanhood

It is better to let someone walk away from you than all over you - Unknown

It is better to let someone walk away from you than all over you - Unknown

Common Sense

Common Sense

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Job at the Post Office

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment. Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Violin Practice

Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den.

The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could.

Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled, above the noise, "For pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"

Helpful Livestock

The city slicker's car sputtered to a halt near a pasture filled with cattle. The driver got out to see what was the matter and noticed one cow staring at him.

"Sounds like it's your radiator," said the cow.

The startled city slicker ran to the nearby farmhouse and pounded on the front door.

"Your cow just gave me advice about my car!" he shouted.

The farmer pointed out to the field. "That cow with the two big black spots?" he asked.

"Yes! Yes! That's the one!" the man replied.

"Oh, well, that's Ethel," said the farmer. "Don't pay no attention to her. She don't know nuttin' about cars!"



A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."  

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"  

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said 'yes', and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Playboy - Pleasure in Your Hand

Playboy - Pleasure in Your Hand 1

Playboy - Pleasure in Your Hand 2

Playboy - Pleasure in Your Hand 3

Playboy - Pleasure in Your Hand 4