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Monday, March 31, 2014

The happiest people don't have the best of everything



The hardest thing in life



Jokes for Monday 31st March 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Baby Mops

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=590674107631822

Bachelor Fridge

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=587710217928211

Bacon Condom

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=587582414607658

Bad Sex

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=586625728036660

Bad Woman

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=585325148166718

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Joke # 1

Cat Toilet




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Joke # 2

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

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Joke # 3

Bill and Doug were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.

"What's the matter?" asked Bill of his buddy. "You look kind of down."

"My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin."

"Why's that?"

"Because it's brief, unexpected and usually a disaster."

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Joke # 4

Q: Where do cars go for a swim?
A: At the carpool!

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Joke # 5

Pauly and Maury, two precocious little boys, are chatting.

Pauly: "My mom said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. How silly is that?"

Maury: "It's true! It's true! The other day I saw Mr. Smith, our neighbour, showering with the curtains open, and a part of me was getting hard already!"

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Joke # 6

A banker married an attractive widow with two beautiful teenage daughters. After several weeks, gossip established that the banker was making it out well with his stepdaughters. One day, a friend cornered him and said, "Clyde, I don't mean to pry, but people are saying you pay more attention to your step-daughters than your wife."

The banker replied, "Of course I do, why should I touch my principle when I'm doing so well with my interest."


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Joke # 7

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and goodbye grandpa."

The father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma. Next day the grandmother died.

My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."

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Joke # 8

Q: Where do you go to find a million story building?
A: You go to the Library!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Incredible Willpower

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/incredible-willpower.html

The Procrastinator's Ten Commandants

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-procrastinators-ten-commandants.html

Jane Fonda Quote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/jane-fonda-quote.html

Lao Tzu Quote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/lao-tzu-quote.html

Smart bar owner

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/smart-bar-owner.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Lake Peigneur - Salt Mine Flood

http://bit.ly/9agoHK

Animal Planet

http://bit.ly/9T8JVz

Hot Water in Sub Zero Temperature

http://bit.ly/j19ego

Merry Christmas

http://bit.ly/gCqCVa

Overhead Baggage

http://bit.ly/9DkSHk

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Sunday, March 30, 2014

Jokes for Sunday 30th March 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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As we get older we start to forget things

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=580137445352155

Ashamed

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=583975281635038

Aussie Drinking Game

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=585353361497230

Aussie Gentleman

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=585788354787064

Aussie Sheila

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=585799051452661

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Joke # 1

Penis Shaped Chandelier




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Joke # 2

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

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Joke # 3

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

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Joke # 4

Q: Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn’t the other person’s hair get wet?
A: Because he was bald!

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Joke # 5

Nadine and Jill were talking about their sex lives and Nadine said that her new boyfriend always wants to perform cunnilingus, all the time.

"Wow," said Jill, "You are really lucky, but if you want to prevent him from doing that, just rub a little garlic down there."

Nadine said, "I tried that already, and the next night he came to bed with some bread, olive oil, and a head of lettuce."

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Joke # 6

The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and gotten new dentures.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached 20 minutes.

But on the third Sunday he preached for an hour and a half.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded, "The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. But the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures ... And I couldn't shut up."

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Joke # 7

An Australian in the Outback who had little education swore that his son would have the chance he never had. The Aussie got a book of English grammar rules, and every night at bed time, he would read to his young son a page or two of such "interesting" items as:

* Never split infinitives
* Don't end a sentence with a preposition
* A plural subject requires a plural verb

Needless to say, the boy did not enjoy this, but he put up with it. Eventually the boy did well in high school and won a scholarship to Oxford. His father was enormously pleased, and scraped up the money for the travel expenses.

Four years later, after not seeing his son at all [too expensive] it was time for graduation. The father *had* to see this, so he took a second mortgage on the sheep station and flew to England. Proud to bursting, and filled with nostalgia, he brought along the book that had made it all possible.

After the ceremony, father and son were shaking hands and exchanging the usual congratulations. The son had picked up a strong "Oxford" accent after four years there, but they managed to understand one another. The father brought out the book, in order to better explain his thoughts and emotions.

The son was aghast at seeing the hated book -- he thought he had finally seen the last of it when he left Australia four years earlier. He said: "Father! Why did you bring that book which you know I hate to be read to out of up from Down Under for?"

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Joke # 8

Q: What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?
A: Where is pop corn?

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Helen Keller Quote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/helen-keller-quote.html

How grapes are made

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-grapes-are-made.html

I'm sorry we fought

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/im-sorry-we-fought.html

Idiots cause stress

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/idiots-cause-stress.html

Immigrant

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/immigrant.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

The Ultimate Christmas Project

http://bit.ly/aYPWzv

Best Work Boot Commercial Ever

http://bit.ly/aAHFhq

Snowboarding Down Mountain

http://bit.ly/ajXPEw

Aircraft Engine Test

http://bit.ly/9tg0MJ

Breakup

http://bit.ly/nX1V54

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Seljalandsfoss, Iceland

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Jokes for Saturday 29th March 2014

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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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An American Original

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=585437341488832

Anal Pencil Sharpner

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=585534138145819

Anderson Cooper asked Charles Ramsey if he'd like a reward

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=580914901941076

Another Use of Cell Phone

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=587540614611838

Army Knives

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=585448568154376

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Joke # 1

Redneck Woman




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Joke # 2

They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.

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Joke # 3

A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."

"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"

He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."

"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done!"

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Joke # 4

Q: What did the number 0 say to number 8?
A: Nice belt!

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Joke # 5

Mr. Johnson had been waiting entirely too long at the doctor's office. His appointment was for 9:00 and it was nearly 10:30.

Finally, an attractive nurse appeared at the waiting room door and said, "Let's go get a room."

"Honey, I appreciate the offer," he said, "but I've been waiting so long I'd hate to lose my spot now!"

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Joke # 6

Years ago in a private girls school rules were very strict. One of the many things that was not allowed was the wearing of wigs, (because wearing hair that was not their own was not allowed), so the girl would hide the artificial hair in their dresser drawers.

Somehow, word got to the headmaster who immediately called all the girls in to find the guilty ones. He told them, all you girls with hair in your drawers raise your hands.

From the back of the room there was a response from a little freshman girl. She replied, "does fuzz count?"

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Joke # 7

Tim and Nancy lived in Anchorage, Alaska. Their house was literally right downtown, but they had no indoor plumbing. They did, however, have an outhouse. The older Tim got, though, the further away it seemed to get.

One night, he decided to just skip the trip. Instead, he decided to just relieve himself right there off the front porch.

Nancy was pretty pissed about his decision. "Tim, you moron. Our neighbors can see you when you do that, you know."

"It's dark out," said Tim, "they can't see me."

"Of course they can," explained Nancy, "you're silhouetted against the porch light and they can tell what you're doing."

He'd not given it THAT much thought, so he promised his wife he'd not do it again.

Not too many nights later, though, it turned bitterly cold. Right in the middle of the night he had to piss like a racehorse. He got up, put on his slippers, and headed out of the bedroom to do his business.

He was back in two shakes (so to speak). His wife, suspicious as wives are apt to be, said, "You weren't gone very long."

"That's right."

"You went off the porch again, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did."

"We had a talk about this, remember? The neighbors can see you. They'll know it was you and what you were doing out there. Aren't you the least bit embarrassed?"

"Nah, they won't know it's me! This time I squatted down!"

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Joke # 8

Q: What has four legs but never stands?
A: A Chair!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

CS Lewis Quote Divorce

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/cs-lewis-quote-divorce.html

Chocolate.

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/chocolate.html

Dishwasher

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/dishwasher.html

Dr. Assburn's

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/dr-assburns.html

Helen Keller Quote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/helen-keller-quote_11.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Farmer Bales Himself

http://bit.ly/h0JYFp

Russian Crossroad

http://bit.ly/aPvPbA

Xmas Lights #1

http://bit.ly/dwsWyR

Birthday Wish

http://bit.ly/cvYHei

Obama

http://bit.ly/dt5OpT

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Friday, March 28, 2014

Jokes for Friday 28th March 2014

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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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A Satisfied Microsoft Customer

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=587575567941676

A super awesome picture of a fulgurite, a hollow silica tube that is made when lightning strikes sand

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=582232805142619

Adult Lego

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=587682464597653

After Dinner Nipples

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=587932387905994

All You Can Eat - Advert

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=585368951495671

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Joke # 1

Redneck BBQ Sausage




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Joke # 2

Help! My Reality Check Bounced!

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Joke # 3

Do you ever miss the ex?

Mary: OH! All the time! You wouldn't believe how much!

Jill: Wow! I didn't think you cared about him at all.

Mary: Wait a minute! Did you say "ex" or "sex"?

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Joke # 4

Q: What are pirate’s favoite treat?
A: Chips AHOY!!

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Joke # 5

After my husband asked me to help him shed some unwanted pounds, I stopped serving fattening TV snacks and substituted crisp celery.

While he was unenthusiastically munching on a stalk one night, a commercial caught his attention. As he watched longingly, a woman spread gooey chocolate
rosting over a freshly baked cake.

When it was over, my husband turned to me. "Did you ever notice," he asked, they never advertise celery on TV?"

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Joke # 6

A banker married an attractive widow with two beautiful teenage daughters. After several weeks, gossip established that the banker was making it out well with his stepdaughters. One day, a friend cornered him and said, "Clyde, I don't mean to pry, but people are saying you pay more attention to your step-daughters than your wife."

The banker replied, "Of course I do, why should I touch my principle when I'm doing so well with my interest."

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Joke # 7

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day by finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the woman doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip, didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!"

The woman, overcome with guilt, broke down and sobbed.

The woman doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just fucking with you. He's dead. Show me what you bought."

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?
A: Because it gave him a big wave!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

MEN

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/men.html

History

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/history.html

Grandmother

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/grandmother.html

Good Day

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/good-day.html

Divorce

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/divorce.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Read My Lips

http://bit.ly/aBeLU5

Office Rowing

http://bit.ly/bRk3ol

Going To Work Monday

http://bit.ly/ccOe1p

Tits and Ass Beer

http://bit.ly/bdKpkq

F1 Crash

http://bit.ly/b3x2ol

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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I'd like mornings better



Thursday, March 27, 2014

I don't have a problem with caffeine



I'm a good enough person to forgive you



I'm not always RIGHT



Jokes for Thursday 27th March 2014

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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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A Clock For Engineers

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=586625728036660

A Lady

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=583915511641015

A lot of problems in the world

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=582222878476945

A Mother

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=583923371640229

A New Mouse for Women

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=587450377954195

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Joke # 1

Encyclopedia Britannica for Sale




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Joke # 2

Somewhere, over the rainbow....that's where the airline will find my luggage.

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Joke # 3

Farmer: " On a typical day I have to get up at six in the morning, then I work for five hours, then I take out a few minutes for lunch, then I work another five hours..."

City Man: " With all that work, what do you grow?"

Farmer: " Tired."

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Joke # 4

Q: How does a train sneeze?
A: Ah-choo-choo!

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Joke # 5

This guy Chris gets a call from his buddy John one day, and John is on the phone crying.

Chris asks, "John, what's wrong? You sound really upset."

"Well," replies John, "my wife's been cheatin' on me."

"With who?" asks Chris.

"The neighbor," replies John.

"That damn dirty slut!" says Chris.

"Yeah," replies John, "you think I'm upset, you should've heard how upset the neighbor's husband was."

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Joke # 6

A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small "hick town." So, he got into his very expensive new luxury car and off he went. After driving for a while, he found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he asked.

The store clerk looked at the $18 bill for a short time, then smiled and said to the man, "Ah reckon so, mister. Ya want two nines or three sixes?"

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Joke # 7

Police officer

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Lou, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Rhoades, right?"

"Yeah, so?" said the officer.

"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?
A: To see time fly.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Spider Chip Cookies

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/spider-chip-cookies.html

Poorly worded coffee mug

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/poorly-worded-coffee-mug.html

Thank God It's the Weekend

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/thank-god-its-weekend.html

PAIN

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/pain.html

Moonie

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/moonie.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

How Not To Play Dead

http://bit.ly/cA2Bnr

Slut Bus Crash

http://bit.ly/cZQqEU

Farting Elves 12 days of Christmas

http://bit.ly/dmpESt

First Male Engineer

http://bit.ly/bwLKs4

Clown and Horses Ass

http://bit.ly/a07mqM

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

I'm not really a control freak



Ice flowers in Finland



In the age of information



Jokes for Wednesday 26th March 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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As we get older we start to forget things

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Australians

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Chocolate

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=580169182015648

Texas

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A Childs Prayer

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Joke # 1

No Golf Today




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Joke # 2

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

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Joke # 3

A woman from Pennsylvania was taking her first car trip to Arizona and was asking a few friends for advice.

A friend of hers made an observation, "People in Arizona don't drive the speed limit, they drive the temperature."

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the oreo go to the dentist?
A: To get his filling!

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Joke # 5

A tall man, over 6 feet 8 inches tall was at a function where a young woman was very much taken with him and trying hard to flirt with him.

She kept making eyes at him and smiling and then she suddenly said to him. "Tell me, are you in proportion all over?"

To which he replied, "No unfortunately not; if I was, I would be 9 feet 10."

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Joke # 6

Their new billboard impressed the managers of the A1 STEAK SAUCE COMPANY. It showed a handsome-husband-type seated in front of a large plate of steak and potatoes in a smart restaurant. A bottle of A1 sauce.

Originally they had titled the billboard, "What Does She Know About Your Husband That You Don't?"

But after complaints from members of the board, that the ad was too suggestive, they changed the headline.

Now it reads: "He Gets It Downtown, Why Not Give It To Him At Home?"

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Joke # 7

A man wanted an attack dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs.

The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.

After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage.

"He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer.

"Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something better in mind for you."

They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage.

"Ah," said the buyer. "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier."

"Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."

The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a fairly large dog that was lying quietly on his side, licking his ass. He did not seem to notice as the men approached.

"This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner.

The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed.

"This dog seems quite tame; he doesn't act at all like an attack dog at all. Hell, he's just lying there, licking his ass!"

"I know, I know," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."

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Joke # 8

Q: What is a baby’s motto?
A: If at first you don’t succeed, cry and cry again!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Chained to Facebook

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/chained-to-facebook.html

Avoid things that make me fat

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/avoid-things-that-make-me-fat.html

A house divided against itself

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/a-house-divided-against-itself.html

This gargoyle got drunk last night

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/this-gargoyle-got-drunk-last-night.html

Steve Jobs Quote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/steve-jobs-quote.html

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Saudi Song

http://bit.ly/aJmZ4k

Nitroboat Vs Whiney Girlfriend

http://bit.ly/9F1LK0

Budweiser - The rock

http://bit.ly/a7E3VN

Sex Stress Levels

http://bit.ly/cT7P4H

Amazing Shark Attack

http://bit.ly/abaddc

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Tuesday, March 25, 2014

It's hard to believe this is made out of matchsticks



Jewish Proverb



Johnny Depp Quote



Jokes for Tuesday 25th March 2014

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Butt Slut

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Make yourself at home

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Obamas legos

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=579816765384223

Overcompensating

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The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

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Joke # 1

Female IT Experts




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Joke # 2

The English teacher of the girls school used to fail all her students who did not put a full-stop at the end of their sentences. I guess, she really hated it when her girls missed their periods.

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Joke # 3

A friend was having a bit of marital tension. At one point in our conversation I said, "You know, quite often God speaks to us through our wives."

"Wow! I didn't know God used that kind of language!"

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Joke # 4

Q: Why are babies good at soccer?
A: Because they dribble!

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Joke # 5

When our last child moved out, my wife encouraged me to join Big Brothers. I was matched with a thirteen-year-old named Alex.

At our first outing, we ran into his friend at the library. "Who's he?" the friend asked Alex, pointing to me.

"That's my Big Brother, Randall."

The boy looked at me, then back at Alex. "Duuude, how old is your mother?"

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Joke # 6

A lawyer phoned the governor's mansion shortly after mid- night. "I need to talk to the governor, it's an emergency!" exclaimed the lawyer.

After some cajoling, the governor's assistant agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it that's so important that it can't wait until morning?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Pierson just died, and I want to take his place," begged the attorney.

"Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the funeral home," replied the governor.

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Joke # 7

This guy who stutters badly, walks into a bar, and says, "Ssay! Bbbartender, gggimme a bbbeer".

The Bartender, who is badly humpbacked, serves him a beer and says, "That will be $2.50 please."

The guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says, "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!"

The Bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price."

The guy pays him and drinks it down. He then says, "Sssay! bbbartender, gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease."

The bartender serves him a shot of whiskey and says, "That will be $5.00 please."

The guy says, "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!"

The Bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price."

The guy pays him, drinks his whiskey and, before leaving says, "Bbbartender, tthanks for nnot mmmaking fffun of my ssstuttering wwwhile I wwas in hhhere."

The bartender replies, "Oh that's OK. I want to thank you for not making fun of my humpback while you were in here."

The guy says "Oh ttthat's OK. Eeverything else in tthis ppplace wwas so hhhigh, I ttthougt it wwas yyour ass."

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Joke # 8

Q: What did the picture say to the wall?
A: I’ve got you covered!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Males

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/males.html

The value of a tree

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-value-of-tree.html

Problems of the World

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/problems-of-world.html

Never be ashamed of a scar

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/never-be-ashamed-of-scar.html

Generation Gap

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/generation-gap.html

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Too Technical For Women #3

http://bit.ly/9HxG91

Herbal Elements for Men

http://bit.ly/90TKmQ

Gun Control

http://bit.ly/dtYTZP

Christmas Advert

http://bit.ly/aFKFZz

Singaporean Singlish

http://bit.ly/cJkvBk

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Monday, March 24, 2014

Marcus Aurelius Quote



A man who treats his woman like a princess



Bikers Nightmare



Jokes for Monday 24th March 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Successful people keep moving on

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=579662648732968

Two things define you

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=579681502064416

To Succeed

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=579689085396991

What an ass

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=579698395396060

Whatever you do

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Joke # 1

Don't know much about art




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Joke # 2

A miss is as good as a Mr.

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Joke # 3

Jill: I just found out why cunnilingus is called eating while fellatio is a blow job.

Nadine: Why is that Jill?

Jill: The terms were invented by a woman to make the one sound enjoyable and the other like work.

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Joke # 4

Q: What does the toast wear to bed?
A: Jammies!

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Joke # 5

People don't like to look dumpy in their own snapshots, which is why my husband, a professional photographer, gets a lot of requests asking him to retouch photos. You know, erase the crow's-feet, lop off the love handles.

I wasn't surprised when one woman, pointing to a family portrait, asked him, "Can you take thirty pounds off me?" until she added, "and put it on my sister?"

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Joke # 6

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23.

She gave the children a month to learn the chapter. Little Pauly was excited about the task, but he just couldn't remember the Psalm.
After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Pauly was nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone, hesitated for a moment and then said, "The Lord is my Shepherd, but I'm not a sheep, and that's all I know."

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Joke # 7

Man's Pearls of Wisdom

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Natu re's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words tha t are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too smal l.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the w hole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life? A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, ' Don 't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!

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Joke # 8

Q: How are doughnuts and golf alike?
A: They both have a hole in one!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

This dog doesn't give a fuck

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/this-dog-doesnt-give-fuck.html

Took me a while

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/took-me-while.html

WARNING

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/warning.html

A real bridge in the Netherlands

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/a-real-bridge-in-netherlands_16.html

The best midnight snack

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-best-midnight-snack.html

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Alien Song

http://bit.ly/ahEtxK

Stressed

http://bit.ly/cl9RA6

Airline Commercial

http://bit.ly/adSWcn

Little Britain USA - Fat Fighters

http://bit.ly/dfvagR

Heavy Duty Power Tool

http://bit.ly/aaivO5

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Sunday, March 23, 2014

Mark Twain Quote



Men to the left



A bad attitude is like a flat tire



Jokes for Sunday 23rd March 2014

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Love means

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Four great religious truths

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Sex is NOT all I think about

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=579354182097148

Without Communication

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Yesterday I was sad

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Joke # 1

Kinky Teddies




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Joke # 2

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

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Joke # 3

I once had a friend who never used toilet paper. One day curiosity got the best of me and I asked him what he uses instead. He replied, "Dryer Sheets."

I then asked him why. He gave a me a look and said, "How else could I get my bum to smell like 'meadows and raindrops!'"

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Joke # 4

Q: What did the candle say to the other candle?
A: I’m going out tonight!

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Joke # 5

The divorce court was attentive as the wife complained to the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board. When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and coolly replied,

"Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed 'bored'."

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Joke # 6

The distinguished-looking elderly man asked at the department store information kiosk where he might purchase some personal stationery.

He was directed to the notions department on the third floor, but in the crowded elevator he became confused and got off on the fourth floor by mistake. Approaching the attractive floor manager standing near the elevator doors, he said, "Excuse me, Miss, but do you have notions?"

"Sure," she replied mischievously, "but during the work week I try to suppress them until after five o'clock." "No, no, you don't understand," he stammered. "I mean to say, do you keep stationery?"

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Joke # 7

One day, a girl came running home from school excitedly yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! I got five dollars!"

"That's great, sweetheart!" said her mother. "Where did you get the five dollars?"

"From Tommy down the street," the girl answered. "He gave me five dollars for doing cartwheels for him while he sat in a tree."

"Sweetheart," the mother replied, "Don't you know that Tommy is just doing that so he can see your underwear?"

The girl stood speechless for a moment and then her eyebrows knotted into a frown and she said, "Ohhhhhh!" in the voice of someone who had just been fooled.

The next day, the girl came running home from school again yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! I got another five dollars!"

"Was it from Tommy down the street?" the mother asked.

"Yes," the girl answered. "He had me do more cartwheels for him while he was in the tree."

"Sweetheart," the mother said, "Don't you remember what I told you about Tommy just wanting to see your underwear?"

"It's OK, Mommy," the girl replied. "I tricked him! Today I didn't wear any underwear!"

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the student eat her homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Lessons from Albert Einstien

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/lessons-from-albert-einstien.html

Pessimist vs Optimist vs Realist

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/pessimist-vs-optimist-vs-realist.html

Robin Williams on Canada

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/robin-williams-on-canada.html

Sen. Ted Cruz Quote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/sen-ted-cruz-quote.html

The early bird

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-early-bird.html

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Indian Comedian

http://bit.ly/a7VZwV

European Parliament #2

http://bit.ly/9syxh4

Never Marry A Woman Bigger Than You

http://bit.ly/9FsCNE

Amazing Animated Drawings

http://bit.ly/ahh9av

Harley Advert - Banned in Britain

http://bit.ly/ahyMf9

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Saturday, March 22, 2014

Jokes for Saturday 22nd March 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Beach Balls

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Life has knocked me down many times

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Being sarcastic or just a bitch

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=578964448802788

In the age if information ignorance is a choice

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Cat Disco

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Joke # 1

Knocked-up Nuns




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Joke # 2

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

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Joke # 3

Jill: I think my boss is into cybersex.

Mary: What makes you think so?

Jill: I noticed that lately he's gotten VERY good at typing with one hand.

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Joke # 4

Q: What is the difference between a fly and superman?
A: Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!

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Joke # 5

A bloke and his wife went to a family planning clinic. "We've been married for ten years and we've got no kids," said the husband. 'And the next-door neighbors say it's because we're stupid.'

"Nonsense," smiled the doctor. "It's probably to do with your diet. Or it might be a question of timing. How many times a week do you do it?"

"Do what?" asked the wife.

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Joke # 6

The lawyer was reading out the Will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the Will:

"To my loving wife, Rose, who stood by me in the rough times, as well as the good; the house and $2 million.

"To my daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the business going; the yacht, the business and $1 million.

"And to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would not remember him in my Will, you were wrong: Hello, Dan!"

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Joke # 7

Real ads from Scottish lonely-hearts column.

- Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08

- Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box 06/03

- Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sexmaddict interested in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.

- Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by longtime fiancée seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box 53/41

- Ginger-haired Partick troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more. Box 84/87

- Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential Box 12/32

- Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No time wasters. Box 23/45

- Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old b*st*rd living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest. Box 40/27

- Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Box 52/07

- Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Framptons Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please! Box 30/41

- Govan man, 27, medium build, square heid, big moustache and curly hair, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm

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Joke # 8

Q: What room can you not go into?
A: A mushroom!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Hotel room in Bora Bora

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/hotel-room-in-bora-bora.html

Listen to your elder's

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/listen-to-your-elders.html

Do not regret growing older

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/do-not-regret-growing-older.html

Vertigo at Machu Picchu

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/vertigo-at-machu-picchu.html

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/10/i-feel-sorry-for-people-who-dont-have.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Birdie

http://bit.ly/cMZR3k

Glue Commercial

http://bit.ly/b2L0Cy

Take My Breath Away

http://bit.ly/b9J7I2

Witness Protection Plan

http://bit.ly/ae8Csp

Ultimate Trackhoe Waterskiing

http://bit.ly/aShQgR

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Friday, March 21, 2014

Jokes for Friday 21st March 2014

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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Beat kid's asses

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=578416305524269

Getting Any

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=578726475493252

Advertising

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=578757812156785

Hurricane

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=578861335479766

Hold head up high

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=578878765478023

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Joke # 1

Australian Idols




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Joke # 2

I hate cliches. They're not my cup of tea.

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Joke # 3

A mother walks into the kitchen and sees her daughter with the whole box of animal crackers spread on the counter top.

Mother: "Why did you pour out the whole box?"

Daughter: "The box says, 'Do not eat if the seal is broken.' I'm looking for the seal."

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Joke # 4

Q: What’s 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?
A: The leaning tower of Pizza.

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Joke # 5

Sadie and Sophie are sitting at the kitchen table, bragging. "My daughter lives in a penthouse apartment in Miami," says Sadie. "She goes out to dinner every night at a different restaurant, has beautiful furs and clothes, and lots of boyfriends. "

Sophie replies, "Yeah, my daughter's a whore too."

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Joke # 6

A nervous young guy was walking up and down the waiting room at the Maternity hospital, and he looked at a cool, and calm older man, who was reading a magazine. The younger man said, "I guess you have been here a few times." "Yes," said the older man.

The young wanted to know, "How long after the baby is born, can you have sex with the Mother?

The older guy equitably replied, "It depends on whether she's in a public ward or a private ward."

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Joke # 7

Carnival

Johnny asked his Mom if he could go to the local carnival. She said, "Yes."

At the carnival Johnny won the ring toss and selected a huge bag of M&M's for his prize. Excited he ran home to show his Mom. After showing her his prize he asked if he could have some M&M's.

She said, "Yes but, don't eat too many -- it's almost dinner."

She poured a small amount into his hand. Johnny tipped his head back and popped the handful into his mouth. He ran over to the house cat, picked it up, bit it, put it down, ran outside, and jumped on his bike racing it around the house a few times. Afterward Johnny went back into the house and asked for some more M&M's.

Puzzled she poured some more into his hand. Again, Johnny repeated actions a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time. Upon the 5th request his Mom asked,"Johnny, what are you doing?"

Johnny replies, "I'm playing truck driver."

She says," Truck driver? Can you explain?"

Johnny says," Yes, I'm popping pills, eating pussy, and driving like hell!"

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Joke # 8

Q: Who’s richer. The butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?
A: The baker, because he has lots of dough.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Custom iPhone cover

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/custom-iphone-cover.html

Having a Dirty Mind

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/having-dirty-mind.html

Thought of running away

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/thought-of-running-away.html

Ice Cream Shop

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/ice-cream-shop.html

I code like I fuck

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/i-code-like-i-fuck.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Santa Boot Camp

http://bit.ly/9bGwzU

How Will World War 3 Look Like

http://bit.ly/atS3Id

Budweiser - Turtles

http://bit.ly/bhLfGW

Internet Cybersex

http://bit.ly/cr2SZ8

Indian Hair Cut

http://bit.ly/aA5GMv

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Thursday, March 20, 2014

Always love your mother



Chinese Proverb



Do no harm



Jokes for Thursday 20th March 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Engineering Flowchart

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=577743292258237

Gibb's Rules - NCIS

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=577958002236766

Gibb's Rules - NCIS

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=577958002236766

Twilight

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=578369288862304

Adventure

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=578398255526074

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Joke # 1

Past Lovers




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Joke # 2

When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I can't remember what I chose.

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Joke # 3

Little Joe walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer. "Dad," said Joe. "Remember when you told me you'd give me twenty dollars if I passed my math test?"

Dad nodded.

"Well, the good news is that I just saved you twenty bucks."

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Joke # 4

Q: What kind of table has no legs.
A: A multiplication table.

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Joke # 5

The right front tire on my car had a slow leak. I took it to the shop where I bought the tire, they promptly removed the wheel and immersed it in a big tub of soapy water. This showed the leak was in a cracked wheel rim rather than the tire.

Sooo... I drove to the dealership for a new wheel rim, and the estimator asked me, "Which wheel?"

"The clean one," I responded.

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Joke # 6

A bride-to-be called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dish pattern, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change.

She asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens. The bride said, "No, keep all that." She just wanted to change the name of the groom.

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Joke # 7

Three less than intelligent men, Walt, Elmer and Stan, went hunting in a remote forest. As one of them was crossing a fallen log, he tripped, dropped his rifle and shot himself. The other two ran quickly to their unconscious friend and saw that his chest was covered with blood. Walt turned to Stan and said, "We got to get Elmer to the hospital quick or he's gonna die."

"How are we gonna carry him?" Stan asked. "Why he weighs a good two hundred fifty pounds."

"Hell Stan! That ain't nothing," assured Walt. "We carry bucks out bigger than that, all the time. We can do it the same way."

Walt was right. In no time, they were pulling their 4x4 up to the emergency room door and doctors, nurses and orderlies rushed Elmer inside. A while later, one of the doctors gave the two worried friends the bad news, "Your friend didn't make it."

Walt said, "Yeah, I thought that gunshot hit him in the heart."

"No," said the doctor. "The bullet actually went above the heart and through the shoulder. His chest was only covered with blood, but he might have been able to survive that."

"Damn it Stan, I told you we shouldn't have tied him to the hood. All them tree branches smacking into him for the first five miles probably beat him to death!"

"No," said the doctor. "His clothes were ripped to shreds and his body was covered with lacerations, but he might have been able to survive that, too."

"See, Walt! I kept telling you to hold your end up higher 'cause that sapling was too thin. When we tied his hands and legs to it, his head kept hitting the rocks and logs. And I'm sure he drowned when we crossed that crick."

"Damn it Stan! You was the one that dropped your end of the pole when you fell off that rock. Poor old Elmer must have been under water a whole minute while you was fumbling around with that pole and falling all over yourself."

"Now fellas," said the doctor. "Elmer's skull was cracked and he did have massive head injuries. But he didn't drown and he might have been able to survive that, too."

Stan and Walt looked at each other with puzzled expressions and then asked the doctor, "Then what was it?"

The doctor thought for a few moments and said, "My guess is that the way you gutted him had a lot to do with it."

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Joke # 8

Q: What kind of band can’t play music?
A: A rubber band.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Better Days

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/better-days.html

Dan Mintz Comedian

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/dan-mintz-comedian.html

Rocking Chair

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/rocking-chair.html

Algebra

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/algebra.html

To read this page

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/to-read-this-page.html

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Shooting Melon Off Head

http://bit.ly/eNtDeJ

Shake Before Use

http://bit.ly/br1iU3

Amateur Pole Dancer

http://bit.ly/dC0dTg

Hillbilly Humor

http://bit.ly/cteaCn

Car Parking

http://bit.ly/dfRFz7

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Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Do Good



Enjoy the little things in life



Free yourself from negitive people



Jokes for Wednesday 19th March 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Duct Tape and WD-40

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=577675692264997

Friends - New alumi website

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=577684248930808

iArm

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=577692122263354

Never ending cycle

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=577725645593335

Pizza sharing! (dad+6yo son)

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Joke # 1

Burning Pee




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Joke # 2

Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

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Joke # 3

My sister is a know-it-all who bristles at anyone's well-intentioned advice. But when our older sister gave her several clever tips, she was impressed.

"I have to hand it to Pat," she told me. "She really is smart. Not Jeopardy! smart; more Wheel of Fortune smart."

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Joke # 4

Q: What does the winner of the race lose?
A: His breath.

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Joke # 5

A woman in my office recently divorced after years of marriage, had signed up for a refresher CPR course. "Is it hard to learn?" someone asked.

"Not at all," my co-worker replied. "Basically you're asked to breathe life into a dummy. I don't expect to have any problem. I did that for twelve long years."

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Joke # 6

Problem with gas

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

"Doctor I have this terrible problem with gas, I can't seem to stop farting. They never smell and are always silent but it's still a problem all the same. Believe it or not I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts stink terribly!"

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

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Joke # 7

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes. But the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!"

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Joke # 8

Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?
A: I dot my i’s on you!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

See the dots?

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/see-dots.html

How marketing works

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/how-marketing-works.html

Some people couldn't be nice

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/some-people-couldnt-be-nice.html

When you are dead

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/when-you-are-dead.html

Win and Fail

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2013/11/win-and-fail.html

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Space Paintings

http://bit.ly/9yZXoP

Schweppes Slow Motion Bursting Balloons Advert

http://bit.ly/dpG7Td

Mini Machine Gun

http://bit.ly/bIHRRM

Miller Lite - Eat the Yellow Snow

http://bit.ly/bjEhQG

Flying Car

http://bit.ly/a5iy22

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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