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Saturday, May 31, 2014

When the teacher sends you to take something to another room



I don't care what it was designed to do



Proven Health Benefits of Coffee



Don't speak "Starbucks"



Jokes for Saturday 31st May 2014

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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Robert Downey Jr Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601418156557417

Rules for dating my daughter

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601440499888516

Samuel L. Jackson on father's day

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601460449886521

So that's what they're used for

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601471083218791

Summer in ireland

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601492099883356

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Family




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Joke # 2

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

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Joke # 3

When asked by a young patrol officer, "Do you know you were speeding?"

This 83-year-old woman talked herself out of a ticket by stating ...... "Yes, but....I had to get there before I forgot where I was going."

Makes perfectly good sense to me.

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Joke # 4

Q: What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?
A: Parachute school!

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Joke # 5

Sam is over at Anni's house after meeting her parents for the very first time. While at the supper table he figured it was a good time to get on the right side of his future mother-in-law.

Sam turned to Anni's mother and remarked, "These are excellent

Anni pulled Sam close to her and whispered in his ear, "You should go and wash your hands, those are peanut butter cookies!"

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Joke # 6

A church was looking for a new minister, and the selection committee finally recommended a young man just out of the seminary. Many older church members protested that a more experienced man would have been preferable.

Committee members retaliated with the argument that a younger minister might breathe fresh life into the congregation. At the end of the meeting, one commented to another, older member, that this marked the beginning of better things for their church.

"Yes," the elder said with a wry smile. "Looks like we're moving on to greener pastors."

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Joke # 7

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn.

She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!

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Joke # 8

Q: Where does Friday come before Monday?
A: In the dictionary.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Cast a Vote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/cast-vote.html

A Beautiful Face

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/a-beautiful-face.html

Creative Tooth Art

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/creative-tooth-art.html

Religious Fanaticism

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/religious-fanaticism.html

iPhone 5

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/iphone-5.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Funny Costume

http://bit.ly/aBZxNQ

Worlds Fastest Train 575Kmh

http://bit.ly/bBZahk

Things Men Will Do For A Cold Beer

http://bit.ly/bZ4eeb

State Employees

http://bit.ly/9QW8rM

Why Women Have Breasts

http://bit.ly/dwmwzl

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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I've Been Watching Your Posts



Friday, May 30, 2014

Highschool Reunion



My wallet is like an onion



Instant nice person



Jokes for Friday 30th May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Couple Who Posed as Bride & Groom at Age 4 Still Going Strong at 91

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601308973235002

Dear Drama Queens

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601316976567535

Facebook status

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601334429899123

Hurricane proof home in Florida

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601368386562394

Mens Briefs

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601379476561285

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Hello darkness my old friend




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Joke # 2

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

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Joke # 3

Charles Dickens goes into a bar: "I'd like a martini, please."

Bartender: "Certainly, sir. Olive or twist?"

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the calendar write its will?
A: Its days were numbered.

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Joke # 5

Dan Rather is interviewing Monica and said, "Monica, this trouble will pass and you're still young and have a future in front of you.

What would you like to do with the rest of your life?" Monica said,

"Well, Dan, I have thought of going back to school."

Dan said, "That is a great idea. What would you like to be?" Monica said, "I would like to be a doctor."

Dan laughed and said, "You can never be a doctor.. You sucked as an intern."

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Joke # 6

A young man went into a sex shop to buy some condoms, and a sales girl approached him.

Sales girl: Can I help you, Sir?

Young man: Yes, I want to buy some condoms.

Sales girl: What size do you need, Sir?

Young man: I didn't realize they came in different sizes. I don't know what size I would need.

Sales girl: May I hold your penis to tell what size you would need? As she was holding the penis, she called for assistance: "Give me a SMALL one... Wait! Make it MEDIUM...Wait! Make it LARGE... Shit! Give me a TISSUE !!!"

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Joke # 7

Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish.

They ask him, "Excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?"

The other fisherman replies, "If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish."

They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, one fisherman says to the other, "Fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty."

He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty."

30 minutes later, he asks him to check again. "Nope, still salty."

One our later they check again. "Nope. Still salty."

"This isn't good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty."

"I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty."

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Joke # 8

Q: In what school do you learn how to greet people?
A: Hi school.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Facebook

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/facebook.html

Half Empty or Half Full

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/half-empty-or-half-full.html

Community

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/community.html

Politicians

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/politicians.html

Charles Bukowski

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/charles-bukowski.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

The Beavers

http://bit.ly/aPp9rY

Under the Mistletoe

http://bit.ly/cYRiGw

Dancing Pianists

http://bit.ly/bBTR4S

The Mom Song

http://bit.ly/acGwFS

Michael Jackson

http://bit.ly/9TpXAb

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Thursday, May 29, 2014

Jokes for Thursday 29th May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Verbal Diarrhea

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601210259911540

Why I use sunglasses at the beach

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601217033244196

Asia Advert

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601237423242157

British Army Tea Time

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601274123238487

Charlie Brown Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601301303235769

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Joke # 1

Home




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Joke # 2

A cannibal was expelled from school for buttering up his teacher.

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Joke # 3

Thought for the day: Have you ever wondered if that dollar bill in your hand has ever been in a stripper's butt crack???*
*
If not, then you're wondering now!!

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Joke # 4

Q: How do they serve smart hamburgers?
A: On honor rolls.

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Joke # 5

Jill and Nina were discussing marriage. Jill said, "We've been married twenty-five years, and every night my husband has complained about the food. Not one night without complaining about the food."

Nina said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"

Jill said, "Why should I object if he doesn't like his own cooking?"

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Joke # 6

Strolling through the singles' bar, the rich dude spotted a lovely young woman sitting alone at a table, and walked over. "Say, babe, how about coming along and giving me a little head?"

The woman looked up. "That'll be the day."

Undaunted, Bill said, "Well then, how about coming to my apartment and screwing like rabbits?"

Snickering, the woman said, "That'll be the day!"

"Okay," He said. "How about taking my limo to my private jet, flying

to Tahiti, and spending the weekend on my private beach?"

The woman looked up and smiled at him, saying, "THIS'LL be the day!"

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Joke # 7

A man was approached by a co-worker at lunch who invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she did not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work.

The co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem:

"When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys."

So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself.

Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex.

She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the john.

"How did you get in here?" he asked.

"Shhhhh!!!" she replied, "you'll wake-up my mother!"

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Joke # 8

Q: What is the world’s longest punctuation mark?
A: The hundred yard dash.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Dear God

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/dear-god.html

Wrong Name

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/wrong-name.html

John Lennon

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/john-lennon.html

Stairs

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/stairs.html

Offended

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/09/offended.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Budweiser - In the Can

http://bit.ly/9mMo5H

How It All Started #2

http://bit.ly/bfGAjE

Holding It in Toilet

http://bit.ly/aW6BaI

Lamborghini

http://bit.ly/dccN7B

Canal Plus Advert

http://bit.ly/dCxBi7

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Julia Roberts Quote



Internet Addiction



Coffee



Family



Nobody makes you Angry



Hello darkness my old friend



Albert Einstein Quote



Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Jokes for Tuesday 27th May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Best greeting card ever (Walmart)

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=600778296621403

Do Not Disturb

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=600790729953493

Don't rush into anything

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=600801333285766

Fast Food

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=600822299950336

Friedrich Nietzsche Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=600907456608487

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Plastic bags full of plastic bags




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Joke # 2

You're so dumb, if you saw a sign that said "wet floor" you probably would.

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Joke # 3

She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving the Cute Volkswagen with a bumper sticker that said, "Grow your own Dope.

How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana patient? Then I noticed the rest of her message... "Plant a man."+

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Joke # 4

Q: What’s the tallest building in the world?
A: The library, because it has the most stories.

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Joke # 5

Gerry was having a really bad day on the golf course. Right around the 14th hole, it seems he had missed one putt too many. He let loose with a fairly impressive string of profanities, grabbed his putter, and stormed off toward the lake by the 15th tee.

"Uh-oh," said his caddie to one of his playing partners, "There goes that club."

"You think so?" said his playing partner. "I've got five bucks says he misses the water!"

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Joke # 6

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment-manicure, shave, shampoo, haircut, etc.--he placed the boy in the chair.

"I'm going to buy a new pair of deck shoes before the race tomorrow," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're going to get a free haircut!'"

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Joke # 7

Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.

"Father, I am sinful."

"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."

"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her."

"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."

"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."

"That's not very good of you."

"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."

"Father?......... Father?"

Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him.

"Father? Where are you?"

He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.

"Father, why are you hiding here?"

"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."

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Joke # 8

Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

The many looks of iPhone

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-many-looks-of-iphone.html

Sex Life

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/sex-life.html

This is why emergency rooms exist

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/this-is-why-emergency-rooms-exist.html

Forgiving someone is easy

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/forgiving-someone-is-easy.html

Do Not Give Up

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/do-not-give-up.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Butterball Turkey

http://bit.ly/caUDrk

Kenwood Car Stereo Commercial

http://bit.ly/aGFznK

Bloody Lucky Arab

http://bit.ly/biy18J

Paperclip

http://bit.ly/aPNMga

Weight Lifter

http://bit.ly/94UtO9

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Monday, May 26, 2014

Jokes for Monday 26th May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

You never really realise what you have till it's gone

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598638186835414

Why alcohol was invented

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598667756832457

Your chicken is so rubbery

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598803430152223

Wine Glass

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598957926803440

You are what you eat

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598981573467742

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Timmy the Turd




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Joke # 2

If at first you don't succeed, try management.

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Joke # 3

Creeping around to the bedroom window, the private detectives saw their client's wife in bed with another man. "Just as I suspected," said the first. "Let's go in after him."

"Great idea," the other replied. "How soon do you think he'll be finished?"

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Joke # 4

Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

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Joke # 5

The barber's client looked depressed, so the barber told him, "Cheer up. I knew a guy who owed $5,000 he couldn't pay. He drove his vehicle to the edge of a cliff, where he sat for over an hour. A group of concerned citizens heard about his problem and passed a hat around. Relieved, the man pulled back from the cliff's edge."

"Incredible, " said the client. "Who were these kind people?"

"The passengers on the bus."

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Joke # 6

The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. Lying in the dirt with a broken leg, terrified of the approaching enemy, the soldier called out: "All you saints in heaven, please help me get up on my horse!"

Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side. Once again on the ground, he called to the heavens, "All right, all right, just half of you this time!"

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Joke # 7

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day And told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her Fourth wedding.

'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type And color dress are you looking for?'

The bride to be said, 'A long, frilly, white dress with a veil.'

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time, for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean. Perhaps ivory or Sky blue would be nice.'

'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. 'Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as Innocent as a first-time bride. 'You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he Died as we were checking into our hotel.

'My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the Limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'

'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.

'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for our years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it Was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'

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Joke # 8

Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: I got you covered.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Feel Obligated

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/feel-obligated.html

Manly Wedding Cake

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/manly-wedding-cake.html

Always trust people who like big butts

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/always-trust-people-who-like-big-butts.html

Chalk Art

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/chalk-art.html

Leave it to the French

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/leave-it-to-french.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Bush at UN

http://bit.ly/927WFO

Sand Art #1

http://bit.ly/aX9fKW

Eddie Izzard - Learning French

http://bit.ly/aylZLE

Brahma Beer Advert #5

http://bit.ly/9Hh2nI

Boss Vs Worker

http://bit.ly/faPSRy

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Sunday, May 25, 2014

Jokes for Sunday 25th May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Semen

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598543943511505

Vagina's

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598570266842206

WHOOP-DEE FUCKING-DO

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598579943507905

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598589966840236

Wine Bottle Glass

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598624456836787

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Today has been cancelled




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Joke # 2

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

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Joke # 3

Marina: "Do you ever miss the ex?"

Amy: " OH! All the time! You wouldn't believe how much!"

Marina: Wow! I didn't think you cared about him at all."

Amy: "Wait a minute! Did you say 'ex' or 'sex'?"

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Joke # 4

Q: How can you tell that a train just went by?
A: It left its tracks.

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Joke # 5

When children come in to the doctor's office where I work, it's my job to weigh and measure them. After several unsuccessful attempts to get one frightened three-year-old on the scale, her mother said, "Honey, Mommy has a scale at home. Do like I do and stand on it."

Recognition dawned on the child's face and she confidently stepped on the scale, looked down and exclaimed, "Oh, crap!"

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Joke # 6

A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What`s the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year old."

The husband said, "What did he say about your 65 year old ass?"

"Your name never came up," she replied.

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Joke # 7

A man goes to the doctor's office one day. The nurse, quite attractive, says, "The doctor is over at the hospital right now. He won't be back for about an hour. Could you tell me your symptoms, please?"

He tells her.

She looks at him appraisingly and decides he's just tense. She offers, "Well, um, for $50, I've got just the thing for you!"

He agrees, and she takes him into an examining room and screws the daylights out of him.

About a week later, he returns, only to find that the doctor is there.

The doctor listens to the man's symptoms, examines him, and decides the man is just tense... he writes out a prescription for a sedative and says, "That'll be $150 for this visit."

The man says, "If it's all the same to you, doctor, I'd rather have the $50 cure!"

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: Just in case he got a hole in one!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Penguin

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/penguin.html

Fetishes

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/fetishes.html

Look up in the sky

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/look-up-in-sky.html

Nelson Mandela

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/nelson-mandela.html

747 carrying the space shuttle

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/747-carrying-space-shuttle.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Truth in Advertising

http://bit.ly/b8WaRU

Why There Are No Italian Muslims

http://bit.ly/ajkKnf

Pager

http://bit.ly/bRRy4K

Skiing Jump

http://bit.ly/9ta4Yo

Loser Cyclist

http://bit.ly/braK3U

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Saturday, May 24, 2014

Jokes for Saturday 24th May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

I see you're playing stupid again

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598184770214089

In my life

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598227540209812

Mr President

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598273586871874

My wife gives me sound advice

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598477986851434

Newton's Third Law of Emotion

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598533390179227

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

When the teacher sends you to take something to another room




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Joke # 2

The Law of Motivation: Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

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Joke # 3

When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."

"Why is that," the host asked?

Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks ...anyone can!"

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Joke # 4

Q: What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
A: Punch.

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Joke # 5

Since I had been selling waterbeds for almost four years, I thought I had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked me, "Can you deliver it filled with water?"

Stunned, I replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!"

After a short pause, she said, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?"

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Joke # 6

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.

"Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know, I know," she said, "to make the gravy!"

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Joke # 7

"Hey, bartender," says a customer, sitting at the bar. "What kind of bird is that sitting on the perch?"

"Oh," says Bob the bartender, "that's a Crunchy Bird!"

"I never heard of a Crunchy Bird," says the patron.

"Just watch," says Bob. He takes a newspaper off the bar and throws it down on the floor, then he turns to the bird and says, "Crunchy Bird, my paper!" The bird swoops down and attacks the newspaper. He rips it to shreds until there's nothing left but tiny pieces of confetti.

"Wow," says the customer, "can I try?"

"Be my guest," the bartender replies.

The customer takes off his shoe and puts it on the bar and says, "Crunchy Bird, my shoe!" The bird flies down off the perch and picks the shoe up with his beak. He slams the shoe down on the bar and starts attacking it. In no time, the shoe is reduced to nothing but behind the bar.

Suddenly a tough looking guy walks into the bar. He yells, "Gimme a drink NOW!"

He looks around the bar snarling and yells at the patrons, "What the Hell are you clowns looking at?" The bar is completely silent.

Then the bully notices the bird and says, "What the Hell kind of stupid looking bird is that?"

"That's a Crunchy Bird," says bartender Bob.

The tough guy laughs and yells, "Crunchy Bird, my ass!"

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Joke # 8

Q: What did the light bulb say to its mother?
A: I wuv you watts and watts.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Harder than splitting an atom

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/harder-than-splitting-atom.html

Yo' mama is so fat

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/yo-mama-is-so-fat.html

Never change your originality

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/never-change-your-originality.html

Ignorance is a Choice

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/ignorance-is-choice.html

Before Revealing iPhone 5

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/before-revealing-iphone-5.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

http://bit.ly/bLzRsO

Save Virgil - Part 3

http://bit.ly/bxLw4F

BBC America

http://bit.ly/bKqMAP

Toyota Lawn Mower

http://bit.ly/9hgRSp

Axe Shower Gel

http://bit.ly/9UMFKh

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Today has been cancelled



Friday, May 23, 2014

Home



Always remember to be happy



Plastic bags full of plastic bags



Timmy the Turd



Pain is inevitable



Blood and Loyalty



Salvador Dali Quote



Take a walk



It's Friday



Jokes for Friday 23rd May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Don't Underestimate

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598058196893413

Five times a week

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598083770224189

Bitch

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598095653556334

Great Wall of China

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598111500221416

Hurt your feelings

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598137303552169

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Albert Einstein Quote



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Joke # 2

Never underestimate the power of termites.

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Joke # 3

"David is the same as ever." gossiped his wife on the telephone. "All he ever thinks about all day long is sex... sex... sex."

"Now that's just not true at all." called out David, I've been laying here thinking about you."

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: It held up a pair of pants.

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Joke # 5

An office technician got a call from a computer user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that her computer needed to be brought in and serviced.

He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I'll fix it for you."

About ten minutes later she showed up at his door... with the electrical cord in her right hand.

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Joke # 6

My friend's sister was to be married on short notice but still wanted an elaborate wedding. The invitations were ready to be mailed when someone noticed that there were no inserted cards inviting guests to the reception.

Undaunted, the mother of the bride typed up a note, made 280 copies and enclosed one with each formal invitation.

Family and friends were surprised to read: "Conception immediately following the ceremony in the grand Ballroom of the Holiday Inn. "Everyone is invited."

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Joke # 7

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."

God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high- achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them superhuman, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely,

"Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."

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Joke # 8

Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job?
A: They take short cuts!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

A Hero

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/a-hero.html

I'm UP!

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/im-up.html

The most dangerous risk of all

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-most-dangerous-risk-of-all.html

Hugging is good medicine

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/hugging-is-good-medicine.html

The future depends on what we do in the present

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-future-depends-on-what-we-do-in.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Hudson River Landing Full Flight Animation

http://bit.ly/dBb3R3

Top Gear - Ride the Waves

http://bit.ly/cfknbe

Redneck Women

http://bit.ly/cAk3ZS

Going Fishing

http://bit.ly/dlKDxz

Goal Keeper

http://bit.ly/b1Mdfr

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Thursday, May 22, 2014

Jokes for Thursday 22nd May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Tuesday

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597693073596592

Asshole Parking

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597695066929726

Amazingly Enough

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597758783590021

Do you have a bathroom

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597808220251744

Bowl of stupid

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598047303561169

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Always remember to be happy




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Joke # 2

My kid sister has a superiority complex... she thinks she's almost as good as me.

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Joke # 3

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.

The doctor says, "I don't think it can be 300%. Can you be more specific?"

She replies, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.

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Joke # 5

Two guys who know each other are in the men's room at the urinals.

One guy is a Jewish man. He finishes his business first. He simply zips his fly and heads for the door.

As he was leaving, the other guy turns his head towards him and says "Excuse me, but my people wash our hands when we are finished urinating".

The Jewish guy says " I understand, but my people don't pee on our hands."

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Joke # 6

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."

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Joke # 7

Harry and Rachel are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary at the Fontainbleau and it's a hell of a party: champagne, caviar, toasts by all of their best friends who've assembled for the occasion. Finally, tired and happy, the couple retires to their luxurious suite.

"Rachel," says Harry, "you know, this would be the perfect evening if only..."

"Oh, Harry," sighs Rachel, "I thought you got over that years ago. You know I don't like it."

"But, Rachel, it's such a special night. Just this once..."

"Harry, you know how I feel about this sort of thing."

"I know, I know," pleads Harry, "but you know how much it'll mean to me."

So Rachel finally goes down on him. Just as she's finishing up, the phone rings.

Harry gets up on one elbow and says, "Answer the phone, cocksucker."

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Joke # 8

Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: It had too many problems.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Military Marriages

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/military-marriages.html

Some Mornings

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/some-mornings.html

Sandra Bullock Quote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/sandra-bullock-quote.html

It's all about attitude

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/its-all-about-attitude.html

Beauty is on the inside

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/beauty-is-on-inside.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Heineken Golf Advert

http://bit.ly/aTBmKC

A Redneck Christmas Tale

http://bit.ly/aLuoXp

Never Underestimate Women

http://bit.ly/bnh9u8

Bad Santa - Reindeers

http://bit.ly/d8oFFr

Bush Magic

http://bit.ly/aTVmYk

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Jokes for Wednesday 21st May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

These people have got their shit together

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597353556963877

To all you high school graduates out there

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597635336935699

Two things define you

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597671410265425

Asked 100 Women

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597681223597777

A few clowns

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597688906930342

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Blood & Loyalty




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Joke # 2

Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal.

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Joke # 3

"Mom," said the little girl, "Is it alright to say you are going to water the horse when you are giving him a drink of water?"

"Yes," said her mother, "that is the correct thing to say."

"Well then, I'm going to milk the cat."

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Joke # 4

Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
A: She ran away from the ball.

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Joke # 5

A little Johnny asks his dad: what's that between mom's legs called?

The father answers: paradise, my son .

Johnny asks again: what's that thing between your legs called?

The father replies: the key to the paradise

Little Johnny says: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the next door neighbor has a copy and he's been making trips to paradise!

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Joke # 6

Three years ago, after my divorce, I found myself in the position of having to buy condoms, something I hadn't had to do for better than twenty years. The selection was overwhelming, and I asked the pharmacy clerk for some help. He extolled the virtues of latex, ribbed, lubricated, colored, glow in the dark (assuming you can't find it any other way), Magnum size (no laughing), and more. At last, as he was running out of breath, I asked which condom he recommended.

He replied, "The condom made of lamb's intestine has a more natural feel."

I said, "Not to us city boys!"

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Joke # 7

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Naval Air pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left side tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left side tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough."
Solution: "Auto-land not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Aircraft handles funny."
Solution: "Aircraft sternly warned to straighten up, fly right, and get serious."

Problem: "Target Radar hums."
Solution: "Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "Mouse in cockpit."
Solution: "Cat installed."

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Joke # 8

Q: What did Cinderella say to the photographer?
A: Some day my prints will come.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Window Cleaners

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/window-cleaners.html

John F Kennedy Quote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/john-f-kennedy-quote.html

An ugly personality destroys a pretty face

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/an-ugly-personality-destroys-pretty-face.html

Social Media explained with coffee

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/social-media-explained-with-coffee.html

Anthony Hopkins Quote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/anthony-hopkins-quote.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Pit Stop Accident #3

http://bit.ly/9cHmHC

Talking Monkey

http://bit.ly/91Fh5J

Skiing Pensioner

http://bit.ly/an4KkZ

Hailstorm

http://bit.ly/fESWCY

Greatest Movie Line Ever

http://bit.ly/bmu5mp

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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I don't want a perfect life



I have learned to give



I love rumors



It only takes a second



Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Insane is such a mean word



Jokes for Tuesday 20th May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
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SydesJokes Facebook Page
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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

NOT a confidence builder

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597083230324243

Success

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597147310317835

That bitch did what

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597161476983085

The absolute True Definition of a very Bad Day

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597325376966695

The only thing worse than being blind

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597337983632101

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Joke # 1

Speed Limits




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Joke # 2

The IRS is like a bad laundry. You keep losing your shirt!

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Joke # 3

"How did your evening with your new boyfriend go?" "It was a disaster. We were nude in bed in heavy foreplay and he had a premature ejaculation." "What did he say when it occurred?"

"He just said I was the loveliest girl he had ever come across."

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Joke # 4

Q: What two things can you not have for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner.

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Joke # 5

The young woman who entered the bank to cash a check looked so hesitant that a teller went to help her.

"Please sign the back of the check," he told her, "as you'd sign a letter."

She looked at him gratefully, scribbled on the check and passed it to him.

Signed on the back was: "Yours affectionately, Pamela.

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Joke # 6

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!"

"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."

"No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price."

"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."

"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket."

"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"

"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said,

'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska."

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Joke # 7

A blonde City girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,

'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,

'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

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Joke # 8

Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: Between you and me, something smells.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

An Amazing Sentence in English

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/an-amazing-sentence-in-english.html

Toilet Fail

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/toilet-fail.html

Proposed Facebook Buttons

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/proposed-facebook-buttons.html

Yawning

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/yawning.html

Success

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/success.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Perfect Womans Car

http://bit.ly/cQDtxr

Absolut Mulit

http://bit.ly/axvkBl

60 Caliber Nitro Express Pistol

http://bit.ly/9luo2H

Momma Is Santa

http://bit.ly/atmPCY

Eddie Izzard - Death Star Canteen

http://bit.ly/cM588T

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Please don't try to figure me out



I don' exercise



Change voicemail



Bruce Lee Quote



Enjoy Every Moment



Dog ate homework



Jokes for Monday 19th May 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Darwin Award

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=596680667031166

I'm Smiling

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=596696990362867

I'm so old

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=596709543694945

Johnny Depp Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=596731887026044

Probably the coolest cinema ever

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=597053816993851

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

How Reindeer Fly #1




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Joke # 2

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

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Joke # 3

I called the police station and asked, "Have any lunatics escaped?"

"No, why?"

"Because someone has run off with my wife."

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Joke # 4

Q: Why is tennis such a loud game?
A: Because each player raises a racquet.

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Joke # 5

At the bank tellers were constantly cautioned either to know the person who wanted to cash a check or to request a proper id. One time a young man, who minutes before could produce no ID, returned to the teller window with what he considered the perfect id: Tucked under his arm was his high-school yearbook opened to his class picture.

The teller cashed his check.

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Joke # 6

One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Pritchard, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered the class to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons."

As people stirred my sauce, one lady contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. She approached Mrs. Pritchard about my theory.

"Why wooden spoons?" She asked.

"Because," she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to all you morons banging your metal spoons against metal pots, I'll go nuts!"

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Joke # 7

Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.

Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!"

Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"

Still nothing, his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.

He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress."

Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself..."

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Joke # 8

Q: Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A: A taxi driver.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

iCame, iSaw, iConquered

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/icame-isaw-iconquered.html

Use iOS 6 to walk into Mordor

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/use-ios-6-to-walk-into-mordor.html

It's like a sauna in here

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/its-like-sauna-in-here.html

Printer's Down

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/printers-down.html

Wait For Me!

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/10/wait-for-me.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Danny's Fishin' Tips

http://bit.ly/cCHcN5

Harmonica Player At Carnegie Hall

http://bit.ly/9OjtvI

Wimbledon Semi Finale

http://bit.ly/9eSx0M

Middle Aged Women Should Stay At Home

http://bit.ly/aftFjU

Meeting With the Boss

http://bit.ly/dqhQPE

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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