Joke 1
Will Rogers
Original post: http://bit.ly/2FujVAI
Joke 2
A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. - William Blake
Joke 3
After listening to the elderly hooker plead her case, Judge Hanson called a brief recess and retired to his chambers. Reroute, he bumped into Judge Forbes.
"Say," said Hanson, "what would you give a sixty three year old hooker?"
"Oh gosh," replied Forbes, "five or six bucks tops."
Joke 4
Q: Why can't a Dalmatian hide from its mother?
A: Because it is always spotted.
Joke 5
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit."
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13....."
Joke 6
Morris is complaining to Uncle Yossie.: " Uncle, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did? What did I tell you?" asked Uncle Yossie.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, but that big bank is in terrible financial trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," said Uncle Yossie. "Surely there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," replied Morris. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ' Insufficient Funds.'"
Business was bad, the small company was on the edge of bankruptcy. The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office.
"Things aren't going too well, guys," he announced grimly. "So to perk up sales I'm announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales gets a blow job."
"What does the loser get?" asked one of the salesmen.
The owner looked at both men and said, "The loser gets to give it."
Joke 7
A few days before the young couple was to get married, the girl accidentally walked in on her husband to be. He was just climbing out of the shower drying his head with a towel and didn't see her.
She was unsure of what she had seen, so she went to her doctor for advice. "Doc," she said, "What is that long thing between a man's legs?"
"Well, that is called the penis." he said.
"Oh." she said, "Well, what is that big round thing on the end of the penis?"
"That is called the head of the penis." the doctor said.
"Oh." she said, "Well, what are those big round things located about thirteen inches back from the head of the penis?"
The doctor said, "Honey, I don't know about your boyfriend but on me, that is the cheeks of my ass."
Joke 8
Q: What does a woman do after good sex?
A: Put on her clothes and go home.
Confidence on the outside
Original post: http://bit.ly/2FvK9CZ
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