Joke 1
Thomas Paine
Original post: http://bit.ly/2CEgV2B
Joke 2
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Joke 3
A man brought his date back to his apartment, ripped both their clothes off and then said, "I'd like you to meet my little friend."
The woman took a look, gathered her clothes and said, "Call me when he grows up."
Joke 4
Q: What's the difference between a man and a lawnmower?
A: Lawnmowers don't complain after they cut the yard.
Joke 5
This guy Chris gets a call from his buddy John one day, and John is on the phone crying.
Chris asks, "John, what's wrong? You sound really upset."
"Well," replies John, "my wife's been cheatin' on me."
"With who?" asks Chris.
"The neighbor," replies John.
"That damn dirty slut!" says Chris.
"Yeah," replies John, "you think I'm upset, you should' ve heard how upset the neighbor's husband was."
Joke 6
One day a man went to England on a trip and met a woman there, they grew to like each other enough for her to come to America with the man on his flight home. When they got back to America the man said "I would like to show you an American pastime."
The woman said, "What is it?"
"Baseball," the man said.
The next day, the man took her to a baseball game. The first man came up to the plate and hit the ball to right field and got to first base, the next man bunted the ball and beat the throw to first base. The third man came up to the plate and he gets walked.
The man says, "Are you understanding this game?"
The woman says, "Yes, but what I don't understand is why the thrower hurls the ball at the first player, and he hits it. then he hurls the ball at the second player, and he taps it and runs to where the other man was standing And then the third player, this is the part I don't understand, the thrower hurls the ball and he just stands there - 4 times - and then he just walks to the place where the other man was standing."
Then the man says, "Well that is because he has four balls."
The woman says "Poor thing he couldn't run if he tried."
Joke 7
There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child.
One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.
A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third person offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; a fourth gave the boy a book; a fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; a sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked.
Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I wonder what's inside the drum?"
Joke 8
Q: What happened when the cannibals ate a missionary
A: They got a taste of religion.
Socrates
Original post: http://bit.ly/2CFIng5
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