Joke 1
Hard work
Original post: http://bit.ly/2CE01kr
Joke 2
All I want is compliance with my wishes, after reasonable discussion. - Winston Churchill
Joke 3
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic Elementary School for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted it on the apply tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note. "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Joke 4
Q: What did the doctor say to the man who complained he was shrinking?
A: You will just have to be a little patient!
Joke 5
One early evening, a police car pulled up in front of grandma Marge's house, and grandpa Stanley gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the neighborhood park and couldn't find his way home.
"Oh Stanley", said grandma Marge. "You've been going to that park for over thirty years! How could you get lost?"
Leaning close to his wife, so that the policeman couldn't hear, grandpa Stanley whispered, "I wasn't lost. I was just too tired to walk home."
Joke 6
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bed- room and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And that folks ............is how the fight started .
Joke 7
Dave and Judy were going over the expenses for their upcoming wedding.
"$3800 for a dress that's only going to be worn ONCE?" Dave asks.
"Who says it's only going to be worn once?" Judy responds.
"Oh?" Dave says with one eyebrow raised. "You're planning to get married again? You know you can't wear virginal white the second time!"
"No," Judy says, "But I do plan to have a daughter and she'll wear it on her wedding day. And she'll have a daughter who will wear it on her wedding day. And her daughter will wear it on her wedding day. It will become a family heirloom."
"I'll bet your mother never bought such an extravaganza," Dave taunts.
"Oh yeah?" Judy counters. "Well, she did too smarty!"
"OK," Dave says. "Then why don't you wear hers?"
Judy answers, "Who wants to get married in THAT old thing?!"
Joke 8
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snow blower coming.
Graham Greene
Original post: http://bit.ly/2CGaU5i
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