Joke 1
Don't grieve
Original post: http://bit.ly/2CHmygw
Joke 2
Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Joke 3
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell, and say, "Here's your husband!"
The man's wife says, "Where's his wheelchair?"
Joke 4
Q: Can a man living in Italy be legally buried in France?
A: No. They got laws against burying living people.
Joke 5
Sam had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in many battles and won many decorations. He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son, whom he hadn't seen in almost four years.
As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, and he's got a Purple Heart on!"
Turning around to see her husband for the first time in years she replied, "At this point, I don't give a damn what color it is! Let him in, and you go play at the Jones' for a couple hours."
Joke 6
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two American men are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?"
No response,
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.... "
"Why?" says the other, "That man knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good.
Joke 7
Her wedding day was fast approaching and nothing could dampen the bride's excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, the bride-to-be was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! She asked her father's wife to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it!" she said.
The bride told her mother over lunch.
Her mother graciously said, "Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
They went shopping and sure enough they found another gorgeous dress. The bride asked her mother, "Shall we go to return the other dress?"
"Oh, no! I'm keeping that one!" replied her mom.
"Why? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." said the daughter.
Her mom just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"
Joke 8
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Your honor.
Everyone chases after happiness
Original post: http://bit.ly/2CHmA88
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