Joke 1
Do not pray for an easy life
Original post: http://bit.ly/2CEE5pe
Joke 2
He who can give thanks for little will always find he has enough. - Anonymous
Joke 3
Mary: So you're happy with John, huh?
Jill: Absolutely! He's good to me, and he's so sexy. Before I met him, I thought sex was just for making babies and keeping the landlord happy.
Joke 4
Q: Did you hear about the man who wore glasses on his butt?
A: He had terrific hindsight!
Joke 5
The old Professor goes to see his Doctor who tells him that to improve his blood circulation, he should take a pill a day, which he promptly prescribes, and that he can also drink a glass of red wine a day.
A few weeks later the Doctor happens to meet Mrs. Professor and asks her how the old Professoris doing.
"Well," she replies, "he's rather behind with the pills, but he's about three years ahead with the wine."
Joke 6
After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank goodness," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
Joke 7
On the first day of Kindergarten, Johnnie's teacher asked the students to count to 50.
Many of them did very well, some getting as high as 37. But Johnnie did extremely well; he made it to 100 with only 3 mistakes.
At home he told his Dad how well he had done. Dad told him, "That's because you are from Texas, son."
The next day, in language class, the teacher asked students to recite the alphabet. Some made it to the letter "k" with only one mistake, but Johnnie outdid them again. He made it all the way through, missing only the letter "m".
That evening he once again brought his Dad up to date and Dad explained to him, "That's because you are from Texas, son".
The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnnie noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed".
This confused him. That night, he asked his Dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Texas?"
"No, son, "explained Dad, "That's because you're 18!"
Joke 8
Q: What did the butcher say when a customer asked if she could buy a half a rabbit?
A: No! I don't want to split any hares.
Reality leaves a lot to the imagination
Original post: http://bit.ly/2CHmDkk
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