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Saturday, September 30, 2017

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 30 Sep 2017

 

I did this SydesJokes Daily Digest for many years as a daily e.mail but stopped. I have decided to do them again but this time as blog posts

 


Joke 1

English is important

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/1


Joke 2

Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.


Joke 3

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

No, no, one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."


Joke 4

Q: What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?
A: Holes.


Joke 5

Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. It looked so realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook, she slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the book once again, again the fly didn't fly away.

This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened. Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school.

You see what your son did to our class grade book? she said.

That's nothing. replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on a fence and for two weeks straight I was pulling splinters out of my dick."


Joke 6

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

The owner asks the clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk replies, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner screams, "You goober! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"

The clerk calmly replies, "Of course you can! Look at him; he's afraid to cough!"


Joke 7

A golfer and his buddies were playing a big round of golf for $200.

At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200.

As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by.

The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and waited for the funeral procession to pass.

After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt, and completed it, thus winning the game and the money.

Afterwards, one of his buddies said, "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen.

I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly losing your concentration, to pay your respects."

"Well," said the golfer, "we were married for 25 years."


Joke 8

Q: What did one hair say to the other?
A: It takes two to tangle!


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