British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 22 Oct 2017

 

Joke 1

We can hide things away

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/81


Joke 2

A bad day at Disneyland is still better than a good day at work!


Joke 3

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'

The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.'


Joke 4

Q: Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?
A: He was caught stealing second base.


Joke 5

It was a quiet day on the Ark and Noah was getting bored, so he told his wife that he was going to relieve the tedium by going on a fishing expedition.

"That's a good idea," she said. "You could do with a break."

Noah collected his gear and set off, but just a few minutes later he was back, still complaining that he was bored. His wife said, "I didn't expect you back so soon. If you're that bored, why did you stop fishing?"

"I only had two worms."


Joke 6

Business Man in 1st Class to a very sexy gorgeous Flight Attendant: "What's your name?"

Flight Attendant: "Angela Benz, Sir!"

Business Man: "Lovely name, any relation to Mercedes?Benz?"

Flight Attendant: "Yes sir, very close."

Business Man: "How close?"

Flight Attendant: "Same price."


Joke 7

Housecleaning Hints

- Windows: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

- Cobwebs: Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them and call them holiday decorations.)

- Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter.)

- Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

- Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

- General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh, I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere." As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean... Works every time.

- Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck: Always keep several get-well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and unable to clean.


Joke 8

Q: Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?
A: Because it gave him a big wave!


It is ok to live a life others do not understand

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/82


 

 

 

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