I did this SydesJokes Daily Digest for many years as a daily e.mail but stopped. I have decided to do them again but this time as blog posts
Joke 1
Life is a gift
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/78
Joke 2
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Joke 3
When a married man says "I'll think about it",
What he really means that,
He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
Joke 4
Q: What kind of underwear to reporters wear?
A: News briefs.
Joke 5
The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. Their line had included senators, pastors, and Wall Street wizards.
Now they decided to compile a family history, a legacy for the children. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose: how to handle that great-uncle who was executed in the electric chair. The author said not to worry, that he could handle that section of history tactfully.
When the book appeared, the family turned to the section on Uncle George. There they read, "George Smith occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution and was attached to his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a real shock."
Joke 6
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful.
CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Joke 7
This Chinese man moved into his new home in Australia. His Aussie neighbor, being the nice Aussie bloke that he was, decided to make him feel welcome. He went next door to wish him welcome.
He was shocked to see the Chinese man in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.
The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Chinese man When he looked through his window, he saw the Chinese man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on with other stuff.
The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Chinese man.
At his gate, he saw the Chinese man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.
He became angry and went up to the Chinese man. "I'm sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Chinese customs!"
He yelled in the Chinese man's face.
The Chinese man looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually Australian customs. I was told, to become an Australian, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bs."
Joke 8
Q: What did one wall say to the other?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner.
USS Montana
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