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Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 20 Dec 2017

 

Joke 1

Be a Rainbow in someone else's cloud. - Maya Angelou

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/102


Joke 2

Pauly and Maury were in the bar, and Pauly said, "My wife drives me to drink." Maury said, "You're lucky. I had to get a cab over here."


Joke 3

I'm confused, Little Johnny admitted to his teacher.

Tell me about it, said his teacher, "and I will try to help you understand."

I went to church last Sunday and they kept telling me to stand up for Jesus, said Little Johnny, "But then I went to the ball game, and everyone kept yelling, 'For Christ's sake, sit down!'"


Joke 4

Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.


Joke 5

Little Johnny was in trouble again. He was charged with the rape of a grown woman, and all though the crime seemed highly improbable, the state's evidence was overwhelming.

As a last desperate move, the defense counsel came over to the witness stand, pulled down Little Johnny's pants, and grabbed the boy's tiny penis for all to see.

Ladies and gentlemen, the lawyer cried turning toward the jury box.

Surely you cannot believe that such a small still undeveloped organ is sexually mature? Growing more agitated he went on. "How could this miniature member be capable even of erection, let alone the rape of a fully grown woman."

Watch it, whispered Little Johnny. "One more shake and you'll lose the case!"


Joke 6

The distinguished-looking elderly man asked at the department store information kiosk where he might purchase some personal stationery.

He was directed to the notions department on the third floor, but in the crowded elevator he became confused and got off on the fourth floor by mistake.

Approaching the attractive floor manager standing near the elevator doors, he said, "Excuse me, Miss, but do you have notions?"

Sure, she replied mischievously, "but during the work week I try to suppress them until after five o'clock."

No, no, you don't understand, he stammered. "I mean to say, do you keep stationery?"

No, I like to go with the flow right till the end, replied the floor manager, laughing. "And then, I just start quivering all over."


Joke 7

A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.

Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?"

The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms just to be friendly. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole (and he is counting his $80) he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.

The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."


Joke 8

Q: Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?
A: Because he was bald!


The Difference Between A Beer and Your Opinion

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/103


 

 

 

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