British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 21 Dec 2017

 

Joke 1

Be Crazy

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/105


Joke 2

There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.


Joke 3

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon."

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what *you've* been doing."


Joke 4

Q: What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?
A: Where is pop corn?


Joke 5

Three friends are discussing the topic of death when one of them asks the question, "When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The man who asked the question goes on to say, "I think I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second man answers the question and says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last man ponders a moment and then replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK! HE'S MOVING!'"


Joke 6

On the sixth day, God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create an area of land called The Midwest. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall hills and rolling plains full of game and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and streams full of trout, forests full of deer and turkeys, valleys with fertile soil with an abundance nutrients to grow things, and rivers teeming with fish."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in resources so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Midwesterners, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

But Lord, asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Midwesterners??"

Not really, replied God.. "Just wait and see the winters I am going to give them!"


Joke 7

Old Mendel Rugelbaum was very old and suffering from a rare disease and his doctor told him could drink only human milk.

"How can I get human milk?" Mendel asked the doctor.

"Well, Ruby Finkelstein's just had a baby, maybe she'll help."

So every day Mendel went to Ruby's house for his daily feed. Ruby was a dark eyed, big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself, gradually became aroused as Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts. One day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered to him, " Tell me Mr. Rugelbaum, do you like it?"

"Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed.

"Is there," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes aglow, "is there anything else you'd like?"

"As a matter of fact there is," murmured Mendel

"What?" Ruby asked breathlessly.

Mendel licked his lips. "Maybe a little cookie?"


Joke 8

Q: Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.


Life

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/106


 

 

 

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