Monday, April 17, 2017

Daily @SydesJokes Digest for 17 Apr 2017

 

I did this SydesJokes Daily Digest for many years as a daily e.mail but stopped. I have decided to do them again but this time as blog posts

 


# 1

Lao Tzu Quote


# 2

Honk if you want to see my finger.


# 3

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.


# 4

Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop.


# 5

Paul and his wife walked into a dentist's office. Paul said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it-- I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness--Paul is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."

So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"

Paul turned to Barbara and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."


# 6

The minister, wanting to point out the proper behavior for church, was trying to elicit from the youngsters rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.

Don't play with your food, one second-grader cited.

Don't be loud, said another, and so on.

And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat? the priest inquired of one little boy.

Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order Something cheap."


# 7

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Her birthday was only days away.

He walked up to her, gently placed a hand on her right shoulder and asked, "Honey, what would you like for your birthday?"

Still looking at herself in the mirror, she replied, "I'd really love to be 8 again."

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Cocoa Puffs and walked upstairs to their bedroom and woke her up. "Honey, breakfast," he said.

Cocoa Puffs? she exclaimed, surveying the breakfast table.

Yes, the husband came back.

She giggled, "I haven't had these in years!"

We're going right out after breakfast, the husband said.

Really? the wife asked. "Where are you taking me?"

You'll see, the husband answered.

He took her out to Adventure World theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Skycoaster, the Star Flyer, the roller coaster, Ferris Wheel and even the bumper cars. He bought her popcorn and cotton candy.

Five hours later they left the park and he took her to McDonald's where he bought her a happy meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a family movie with popcorn, soda and M & M's.

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, how did you like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened, she smiled at her husband and giggled a little.

Oh, honey, she said. "When I said I wanted to be 8 again, I meant my dress size!"


# 8

Q: What do basketball players and babies have in common?
A: They both dribble.


 

 

 

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