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Monday, April 24, 2017

Daily @SydesJokes Digest for 24 Apr 2017

 

I did this SydesJokes Daily Digest for many years as a daily e.mail but stopped. I have decided to do them again but this time as blog posts

 


# 1

Winston Churchill Quote


# 2

Dancing is a vertical manifestation of a horizontal desire.


# 3

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."


# 4

Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water?
A: Hot, because you can catch cold.


# 5

Guy gets shipwrecked on an island. He finds that is it inhabited by all males. After a couple of days, he asks what they do for fun, and the men tell him, that once a month, they go to the back of the island, take a rowboat, and go to the island across the bay that has goats on it, and they have their way with them.

The guy is in disbelief, and says "I'll pass on that"

A few months go by, and the day of the trip across the island, he is the first on the boat, and the first one out of the boat when they get there, and runs up and starts making love to this goat. Well, all the rest of the guys are laughing their head off.

He turns and asks what the hell are they laughing at, and the guys say, "Well, you were the first to get out here, and you picked the UGLIEST goat."


# 6

Little Emily ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break.

What's wrong, dear? asked her mom..

My doll! Billy broke it! she sobbed.

How did he break it, Emily?

With his h-h-head. sobbed Emily.

With his head!? How on earth did he do that? asked mom.

I hit him over the head with it.


# 7

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"


# 8

Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.


Scotland just proved that wind can power the entire country


 

 

 

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