British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

British Corner Shop - British Food, Delivered Worldwide

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 13 Mar 2018

 

Joke 1

Dalai Lama

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://bit.ly/2CGb4tq


Joke 2

Hold it the greatest sin to prefer existence to honour, and for the sake of life to lose the reasons for living. - Juvenal


Joke 3

One morning a soldier was in line for breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the counter looked like he was having a bad day. After the solder gave his order, the cook asked how the soldier wanted his eggs. Not wanting to burden him further, the soldier said cheerfully, "Oh, whatever is easiest for you."

The cook took two eggs, cracked them open onto the soldier's plate and then handed it back to him.


Joke 4

Q: Why are men's pee yellow and sperm white?
A: So they can tell if they're coming or going.


Joke 5

A bewildered-looking man walked up to one of our bank's customer service representatives. "I want to deposit my paycheck, but I'm not sure how to do it," he said.

"No problem," said Lisa as she took his check and passbook. There was a flurry of activity for a few moments, and then his passbook was handed back to him.

The man looked at his book, noting the deposit and, smiling, said, "That's it?"

"That's it. Just give your paycheck to me, and I'll take care if it."

The man suddenly looked at her curiously. "Say," he drawled, "are you my wife?"


Joke 6

A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing.When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, "What happened to the other five condoms?"

His nervous reply was, "Er, I masturbated with them."

Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?"

"Yeah, once or twice," he told her.

"You mean you've actually masturbated with a condom before?" she asked.

"Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."


Joke 7

The husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples alternate shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.

Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, "Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine."

The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods.

Undaunted, the husband said "That's ok sweetheart." He then spent the next ten minutes looking for the ball. He finally found it, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life, and got the ball within two feet of the hole!

"Just tap it in now, honey." he said to his wife.

She then proceeded to knock the ball past the hole, off the green, and into a bunker!

Maintaining his composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker! He retrieved the ball and, while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and said, very calmly, "Honey, well we managed to salvage that hole, and I'm sure we can do better on the next hole."

To which she replied, "I certainly hope so! And just remember, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine!"


Joke 8

Q: What would you call a cold puppy sitting on a rabbit?
A: A chili dog on a bun.


Pablo Picasso

SydesJokes Blog

Original post: http://bit.ly/2CHmuxi


 

 

 

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