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Thursday, April 13, 2017

Daily @SydesJokes Digest for 13 Apr 2017

 

I did this SydesJokes Daily Digest for many years as a daily e.mail but stopped. I have decided to do them again but this time as blog posts

 


# 1

Don't die before you're dead


# 2

Without ME, it’s just AWESO.


# 3

Billy and Willy were at Sunday school studying about Noah's ark.

On the way home, Willy asked, "Do you think Noah did much fishing?"

How could he? said Billy. "He only had two worms."


# 4

Q: What did one flower say to the other flower?
A: Hey, bud!


# 5

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you’d just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." Then he leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill back into the groom's hand and whispered, "She made me a better offer."


# 6

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

What did I tell you? said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"


# 7

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."

Well, the boy thought about that for a moment and decided that he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks, they went into the study, where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud."

You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible Study groups. But, I'm a bit disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut.

The young man paused a moment and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."

To this, his father replied, "Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went"?


# 8

Q: Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?
A: He had no patients.


 

 

 

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