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Sunday, April 16, 2017

Daily @SydesJokes Digest for 16 Apr 2017

 

I did this SydesJokes Daily Digest for many years as a daily e.mail but stopped. I have decided to do them again but this time as blog posts

 


# 1

Joke # 1

WTF


# 2

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?


# 3

A young man asked his father following the Church service "Dad, is God going to die?"

Of course not, God can't die replied his father, "why do you ask?"

The son answered, "The Pastor kept saying that God's will was being done."


# 4

Q: What can you hold without ever touching it?
A: A conversation.


# 5

Two people in the same grave...

Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?

I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?

Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'


# 6

A woman went to a discount store service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "Rub my nipples, rub my nipples." By now a crowd was beginning to gather.

The clerk ran away to get the store manager who asked the lady what was wrong. She explained once again that she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The manager also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "Rub my nipples, rub my nipples." The crowd was growing larger.

The very embarrassed store manager asked the lady why on earth she was making such a scene and she very demurely replied, "because I like to have my nipples rubbed when I am being screwed."

The crowd exploded in applause; she walked out of the store with a complete refund and a very smug look on her face.


# 7

While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.

They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.

Billy Bob won 1st place; a years supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.

Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"

Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush? "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."


# 8

Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A: A brick layer!


 

 

 

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