Joke 1
Mahatma Gandhi
Original post: http://bit.ly/2DT8S6K
Joke 2
Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Joke 3
A woman walked into my aunt's animal shelter wanting to have her cat and six kittens spayed and neutered. "Is the mother friendly?" my aunt asked.
"Very," said the woman, casting an eye on the pet carriers. "That's how we got into this mess in the first place."
Joke 4
Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.
Joke 5
One day Danny was doing his homework. He was up to spelling and he needed to spell harassment. His teacher told him to have a parent recite the words so they can practice writing it so Danny looks up to his mother and says, "Mom, how do you spell harassment?"
His mother replies, "You know I can't tell you. Just sound it out."
With that Danny wrote down on the paper. The next day at school Danny's teacher calls him to the front of the class and asks him to use harassment in a sentence. Danny holds his paper up to his face and looks down at number 10. "Her ass meant so much to me."
Joke 6
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."
Joke 7
One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?"
The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand. The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual innuendo, looks for another student to ask.
Finally when no one else raises their hand, she says, "yes, Johnny?"
"Miss Figpot, it's means lovely."
Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"
"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, 'that's lovely'. Dad replied to her, 'Yep, it's in different.'"
Joke 8
Q: What’s a tree’s favorite drink?
A: Rootbeer.
Surrender To The Force
Original post: http://bit.ly/2DIiTAb
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