Joke 1
Leader
Original post: http://bit.ly/2GCY773
Joke 2
It is folly to punish your neighbour by fire when you live next door. - Publilius Syrus
Joke 3
A hole cracked open in the stage floor, but the performance went on anyway. All the acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.
When he apologized to the audience for his clumsiness, someone in the back of the theater shouted: "Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"
Joke 4
Q: Why did the tired worker tear off a page from his calendar?
A: Because he wanted to take a month off.
Joke 5
A depressed blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park. A little bit later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asked her what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist,' said the onlooker.
"I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."
Joke 6
Two couples went out golfing together. The men hit first from the men's tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box. The first lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely, while passing some gas rather loudly in the process. No one commented.
She addressed the ball again but this time she passed just little gas as she made contact with the ball, topping it and moving it only a short distance.
She said, "I wonder why it didn't go any further?"
One of the men said, "I don't think you gave it enough gas."
Joke 7
An old widow and widower named Mary and Steve get married. They are up there in age, and the romance, engagement and marriage was quick. They hoped they had enough strength to live through their wedding day and night. After the marriage ceremony, they retire to a nearby hotel.
Both are very nervous. Cautiously they begin to undress in front of each other. In the process, Mary, the old woman, removes her false teeth and puts them in a glass.
Mary then removes her prosthetic leg and leans it against the wall. She looks up at her new groom and smiles nervously, and Steve is intently watching... Mary continues.
She removes her bra which contains false inserts; she removes a glass eye and gingerly places it in a special box on the nightstand. Again she shyly smiles at her aged spouse, and Steve continues to stare in an interested manner. As Mary takes off her wig, she realizes that Steve is not making much progress in getting undressed.
He's stopped undressing and is just staring at her.
She asks him, "What are you waiting for?"
Steve quickly replies, "You know what I want. Take it off and throw it over here!"
Joke 8
Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A: You look a bit flushed!
Living in the past
Original post: http://bit.ly/2GI4oOS
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